


Bring a Little Lovin'

by mundane_blues



Category: NCT (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming Out, F/F, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Some Humor, just the typical trials and tribulations of figuring stuff out whilst in college, some angst? but it's not super sad haha, this fic summed up in three words: oblivious they're oblivious, this was supposed to be a one-shot and...it slowly turned into this LOL
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23044819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mundane_blues/pseuds/mundane_blues
Summary: All things considered, Jaehyun and Joy do not consider themselves hopeless romantics.To be a hopeless romantic implies a sense of wistfulness and impulsiveness which Jaehyun does not possess, because overall, he considers himself a pretty straightforward person. So of course, Jaehyun finds himself absolutely surprised when he feels himself instantaneously enamored withhim.To be a hopeless romantic implies a sense of idealism and romanticization of love, which definitely does not fit with Joy’s crass and realistic outlook on romance. Until, of course,her.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Kang Seulgi/Park Sooyoung | Joy, KunTen is a side pairing/established relationship, side Markhyuck/other pairings if you look close enough
Comments: 20
Kudos: 41





	1. Oh no! I think I'm catching feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Wait, this _isn't_ a story based on a Taylor Swift song that revolves around the Dreamies? Color me shocked!
> 
> This was actually originally meant to be a one-shot that was supposed to published on Jaehyun and Seulgi's birthdays (so around Valentine's Day) but as you can see...plans got derailed/changed LOL. 
> 
> Mainly just supposed to be a silly/fun/lighthearted/comedic story with some more angsty/hurt-comfort parts (pretty light, nothing super sad/melancholy/dark). Joy and Jaehyun both give off cool "royalty" and "cool"/"popular kid" vibes but in reality they're also such complete goofs/whiny babies so I wanted to play with that..."duality" I guess is what I'll call it LOL. Chapters alternate POVs between Jaehyun, Sicheng, Joy, and Seulgi.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: This story is entirely fictional, and does not reflect upon any real persons, places, or things mentioned in this story. Bring a Little Lovin's story, writing and characters belong to me. The song this story was based on belongs to Los Bravos. Do not repost anywhere and do not print/distribute.

_I know that it’s ten and you’re stayin’ in_

“Don’t you wanna come to the party?” Joy says as she takes another shot of vodka and chases it with some kiwi-strawberry Arizona tea (how she does it, Jaehyun still doesn’t know). “Come on, it’ll be a lot of fun.”

“Bro, you know I’m always down for a party,” Jaehyun exaggerates in his best frat _ish_ business club bro voice (where it’s kind of a cross between a lisp, drunken haziness, vocal fry, and that slightly dry but tingly tongue feeling once the edible starts hitting). “But I got a problem set due tomorrow night, and tomorrow I’m not even gonna have time to do it because I’m working all day.”

“You? Being responsible? That’s a first,” Ten smirks as Joy passes him her kiwi-strawberry Arizona tea to chase his shot. He grimaces. “Seriously, Joy, how the fuck do you do that.”

“Come on, even Kun is coming out tonight, and Kun’s such a nerd,” Chungha says teasingly.

“You know, I would take offense, but it’s true,” Kun shrugs noncommittally as he takes a sip of his IPA. “Seriously Ten. How did you convince me to go out with you tonight again?”

“Oh, you know very well how,” Ten says sultrily, fingers tapping playfully on Kun’s chest, “Mister Big–”

“TEQUILA!” Jaehyun shouts loudly as he pours two shots and passes them to Ten and Joy, who happily take them. 

“Seriously though, this is like one of the only problem sets in this class and it’s worth fifteen percent of my grade for Econ 130,” Jaehyun states matter-of-factly. “And I’m _not_ flunking this class just because I went out and got drunk.”

***

All things considered, Jaehyun does not consider himself a hopeless romantic. To be a hopeless romantic implies a sense of wistfulness and impulsiveness which Jaehyun does not possess, because overall, he considers himself a pretty straightforward person. 

He goes to his classes, does his assignments, parties whenever he doesn’t have any huge obligations, and does an occasional hook-up when the attraction is there. He’s not in college to fuck around and ruin his life, he’s here to get his degree and a six-figure salary after graduation. That’s always been the goal, and while Jaehyun loves working by the “work hard, play hard” philosophy, he also values exercising a sense of routine in his life. 

Sure, having a girlfriend (possibly a boyfriend?) sounds interesting in theory, but in reality it’s like taking a 12 unit class (especially after trying to have a relationship with Rosé, who always seemed like she’d just walked straight out of a Brandy Melville Instagram post). Jaehyun knows himself well enough that trying to have anything past a fling here and there is something he’s not interested in at this point in time.

So of course, Jaehyun finds himself absolutely surprised when he feels himself instantaneously enamored with this dude who’s sitting in Le Consulat, a cozy coffee shop, at 10 PM on a Saturday night. Who the fuck is this cute dude, being this cute and sitting cutely at his usual spot in the coffee shop at 10 PM on a Saturday night? (The nerve of him…why is he so cute?)

Le Consulat is open till 2 AM on Fridays and Saturdays, so Jaehyun makes a point of going whenever he has work to crank out, like writing a five-page essay and frantically submitting it before 11:59 PM for his Korean History seminar. Alternatively, he also makes a point of going whenever he feels like he’s in an _emo_ mood and wants to just sit in a coffee shop and contemplate his thoughts. Which means ordering an Americano, sitting at his usual table, listening to his _emo tunes_ Spotify playlist (the majority of which is Frank Ocean), and reading one of his twelve books on Japanese moral philosophy.

Usually, anyone here at Le Consulat this late at night is a senior citizen mindlessly scrolling through Facebook looking to start an argument in a random comment section, or a night owl art student dressed in black turtlenecks and chokers, or some programmer dude endlessly coding and staring at their laptops for inordinate amounts of time. Definitely usually not this guy, who’s sitting in Le Consulat, and why is Jaehyun so hung up on this guy in particular (much to think about there, perhaps)?

Jaehyun knows he’s not going to run into anyone he knows at Le Consulat, such as his usual crowd of sporty gym-buff extrovert friends like Johnny and Joy, or going-clubbing-till-2AM friends like Ten and Chungha. Definitely not his business club friends, who would never pass up the opportunity to get drunk on a Saturday night. It’s not that Jaehyun doesn’t fit in or doesn’t like his friends – he certainly enjoys their company. However, Jaehyun’s also secretly a closet extroverted introvert (in addition to being a closet bisexual), and sometimes he needs a break from socializing to just relax. Hence why he chooses to camp out in Le Consulat at 10 PM on a Saturday night to do his problem set, instead of doing what most people would do at this time – go to a frat party (in this case Johnny’s) and get shitfaced drunk now, deal with the hangover later.

But Jaehyun doesn’t regret any of that, especially with this _cute_ guy sitting at his favorite table at Le Consulat (it’s why Jaehyun even noticed him in the first place). He’s wearing a pink hoodie that looks _very_ fuzzy and comfy and warm, with hair that’s bleached blonde but fading to pink pastel at some parts. He has cute and fairy-like eyes, a cute and soft-yet-slightly-sharp nose, and cute pink lips that are just a couple shades darker than his cute pink hair. His face is furrowed in concentration, his cute (almost heart-shaped, Jaehyun notes) pink lips forming an almost-pout as he cutely concentrates on his laptop, tapping his cute pencil on the wooden table.

Wait, he’s only seen this guy for fifteen seconds. Why does Jaehyun think he’s so _cute_? Why does he feel his heart racing? Why is his brain suddenly conjuring images of him going up to this cute pink-aesthetic guy, they strike up a conversation, they get along, they slowly fall in love and his kisses taste like strawberries and bananas, they go on cute dates in little aesthetic Korean cafes, they own an apartment in the city with a loft and two dogs and beige walls with wooden shelves lined with plants and bookshelves full of manuscripts on metaphysics–

Jaehyun shakes his head of his thoughts. _It’s just your brain longing for a movie style romance_ , he rationalizes. _You’re just daydreaming. This is what you get for skipping out on a party, idiot. Get your espresso, focus on your econ problem set._

Jaehyun goes up to the counter and orders an espresso. As he’s waiting, he keeps stealing some glances at the pink aesthetic guy. He looks so...ethereal? Is that the right word? Like he just jumped out of a CoMix or Studio Ghibli film, and he’s here to lead Jaehyun on the start of a whimsical journey into some fantasy-land with green pastures and flying castles amongst painted clouds with baby-blue skies and–

Again, Jaehyun shakes his head of his thoughts. Since it seems like this pink pastel guy will be occupying both his favorite seat and his headspace, he decides to sit as far away as possible…

...and that’s how he finds himself somehow taking the seat two tables down from pink pastel dude. Nice. 

Again, Jaehyun clears his thoughts. He checks his phone – it’s 10:10 PM. He takes out his problem set from his backpack, gets a pencil and some scratch paper, and starts with the first question.

**Problem 1. Univariate unconstrained maximization.** (10 points) 

Consider the following maximization problem:

 _max f(x; x_ _ 0 _ _) = exp(-(x-x_ _ 0 _ _)_ _ 2_ _)_

  1. Write down the first order conditions for this problem with respect to x (notice that _x_ _0_ is a parameter, you should not maximize with respect to it). (1 point)
  2. Solve explicitly for x* that satisfies the first order conditions of you’re smitten, Jaehyun. (1 point)
  3. Compute the second order conditions. Is the stationary point that you found enough to ask him out on a date? Why (or why not) have you not tried talking to him yet? (2 points)
  4. As a comparative exercise, you should admit you’re in L-O-V-E–



Jaehyun blinks rapidly, unsure if his eyes are deceiving him. He focuses back in on the words – for some reason he had imagined that they’d said something about l-o-v–

Jaehyun sighs, realizing that maybe it will be harder to focus than he originally thought. Normally he goes to Le Consulat to focus and use the ambient white noise to help him concentrate, but the cute pink pastel guy has thrown a wrench in his plans.

He decides to give into his vices and sneak a glance over at what cute pink pastel guy is doing, his cute lips in a slight cute pouty frown with cute little wrinkles around his scrunched-up cute nose and his cute lithe hands scrolling on the trackpad of his cute Econ 130 assignment on his–

Holy shit, this guy is in Jaehyun’s Econ 130 class? 

How has he never noticed such a cute face?

Why can he not stop thinking about how cute this guy is?

“Hey, sorry, to bother you, dude,” Jaehyun says on an impulse as he looks at the pink pastel guy, and why the hell did he just go on an impulse? Why’s he being so irrational?

Pastel pink guy turns to face him now, and he has such cute hazel eyes and why is Jaehyun’s heart racing so fast when all he’s asking for is this guy’s hand in…

...helping him with his Econ 130 problem set? 

_Please, turn out to be an antisocial asshole, please_ , Jaehyun secretly begs to the universe.

“Uh...you were saying?” cute pink pastel guy looks at him confusedly, slightly bemused expression on his cute face.

_Why is he so cute?_

“Oh, yeah, uh, sorry to bother you,” Jaehyun says with false confidence, channeling his _do-you-know-a-bro_ voice to sound more self-assured than he actually feels right now, “I saw you’re working on the problem set for Econ 130? I’m taking Econ 130! How come I’ve never seen you?”

“Dude, I never go to lecture because my friend just gives me her notes to copy,” the pink pastel guy smiles cutely. Fuck, his full smile is so cute. It’s actually shaped like a heart (not that Jaehyun finds that cute or anything...well, maybe). “I learn more from reading the textbook, actually, which is why I never go.” He laughs slightly at the end of his sentence, lips still forming a cute heart-shaped smile. Why does his laugh sound like the cutest thing Jaehyun has ever heard?

Why is Jaehyun’s heart racing, seeing cute pink pastel guy’s heart-shaped smile?

“Nice! I’m actually starting the problem set right now. Wanna work on it together? Do you have Kim, or are you in Professor Byun’s section?”

 _Please be an asshole_ , Jaehyun pleads the universe. _Please say you’re already working on it and don’t want to share answers. Or that you’re in Kim’s lecture, not Byun’s. Or that you’re just not the love of my life who’s supposed to–_

“Oh, no way! That’s actually kinda perfect, I’ve actually been kinda stuck on this first problem too,” pink pastel guy beams at him, his impishly cute heart-shaped grin framing his cute pearly white teeth and Jaehyun feels his resolve practically melting as his insides squeal with joy, his brain running haywire. 

_What the fuck is wrong with you_ , Jaehyun’s rational brainwaves start to kick it inside his head. 

But really, what happened to _chill dude_ , _extro-introvert philosophy musings_ , _here-to-do-homework_ Jaehyun that walked in the door fifteen minutes ago? Is this love at first sight–

 _Shut up, Jung Yoonoh_ , Jaehyun scolds himself mentally.

“Yeah dude, let’s work on it together!” Jaehyun exclaims a bit too eagerly. “We could totally crank out this assignment if we worked on it together. I don’t know anyone else in the class, so this is super helpful.”

“Dude, same,” cute pink pastel guy nods his head in agreement. “My friend who’s in this class with me hasn’t started it yet so she’s no help. And my other friend who took it last spring had Kim, not Byun, so he’s not any help because Professor Byun’s a way harder grader than Professor Kim.”

“Dude, tell me about it. My friend is in Kim’s lecture section and their problem set isn’t even as gnarly as this one.”

“Damn, I wish I had Kim,” cute pink pastel guy says. “Anyways, yeah, let’s crank this one out!”

“Sick! I’m Jaehyun, by the way,” he says, extending a hand out to shake.

“Nice! Jaehyun, meet Sicheng, aka me,” pink pastel guy named Sicheng takes his hand and shakes it enthusiastically. It practically lights all of Jaehyun’s body on fire, it feels so electric, so pink, so lovely? “Let’s get this thing one and done!”

 _Fuck, I am so fucking screwed_ , Jaehyun curses himself mentally.

* * *

_And you're stayin' home and I'm all alone_

All things considered, Joy does not consider herself a hopeless romantic. To be a hopeless romantic implies a sense of idealism and romanticization of love, which definitely does not fit with Joy’s crass (and unapologetically _her_ ) realistic outlook on romance.

To Joy, college is supposed to be fun, and relationships are _not_ fun. Relationships mean settling down and doing gross domestic fluff, like cuddling while watching “The Notebook '' or celebrating some arbitrary anniversary in your relationship with dinner at an overpriced restaurant that simultaneously both under and over salts their food. And for Joy, who’s been called many different words for promiscuous (but has always liked the term “wily minx” that a tattooed Art History major named Jeongyeon once called her), she calls a spade a spade, and calls a romantic relationship the equivalent of losing the long game of a college career filled with sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll. (Well, maybe not the drugs and rock-and-roll part, but the casual hook-ups? Definitely.)

“Work hard, play _harder_ , rage _hardest_ ” is the perfect six-sentence platitude to encapsulate Joy’s college experience. Joy floats by with her coursework, works on the board (with Jaehyun) of her business marketing club that more-or-less functions as an excuse to have social gatherings plus alcohol every week, and parties with the boys and the bros. Vaguely a member of Delta Gamma, barely meeting the minimum unit requirement each semester, brunching with the gals getting bottomless mimosas, and constantly going out with Ten to the gay clubs, Joy knows she embodies basically every ABG-sorority hybrid stereotype and more-or-less enjoys every minute of it. She has absolutely no reason to settle down when college is for living it up.

Until, of course, Joy sees _her_. And by _her_ , she means the cute nerdy girl dancing in the mosh pit of sweaty bodies in the middle of the frat’s backyard, with Harry Potter-esque spectacles, soft brown hair with bangs framing her eyes with irrationally charming monolids, and the most innocent face Joy has ever laid eyes on. Which is such a stark contrast to how utterly _seductive_ her body is moving as she dances at this frat party Johnny invited them to.

Initially, Joy’s first instinct is to immediately make this girl her next sexcapade. This girl practically screams _bottom_ , and Joy is more than ready to show her how to take it from the head bitch in charge.

She slowly makes her way through the crowd and then gets behind this cute nerdy girl, swaying her hips side to side as “Havana” by Camilla Cabello plays on the frat house speakers.

Nerdy girl looks over her shoulder with a surprised expression, to which Joy smirks confidently. Normally, this would be the part where Joy says a sexy pickup line, something suggestive enough to be flirting with this girl before they move this to a to-be-determined room and she marks her with a hickey.

However, tonight, the tables turn, and fate seems to have other plans.

“Oh my god, I love your top!” the girl squeals cutely, suddenly turning forward to face Joy as she looks at it. “Where did you get it?”

Joy is immediately thrown off. Who the hell talks about clothes with a girl who’s grinding on you? However, she plays along. “Thanks! It’s from Reformation! I got it on sale.”

“Reformation!” her nerdy girl exclaimed excitedly. “Oh my god, I love them so much, they’re one of the few companies that actually cares about their carbon emissions.”

Joy just gets more confused. “Uh, what?”

“Don’t you know?” the nerdy girl says excitedly. “Reformation! They have a focus on doing sustainable fashion with their clothing. I try to buy ethically because fast fashion is so bad for the environment.”

“Oh...tell me more?” Joy says, trying to flirt, but actually intrigued by this discussion.

“I would love to!” her nerdy girl replies loudly and enthusiastically over the booming bass of the party, pushing up her glasses a little bit more. “Do you wanna go somewhere less...uh, crowded?”

“Sure, sure!” Joy replies, and the nerdy cute girl takes her hand and leads her to the kitchen.

“Do you want some water?” nerdy girl asks as she takes a solo cup and fills it up with tap water from the sink. “It’s important to stay hydrated at parties!”

“Oh, sure! Thank you,” Joy replies politely as she takes her cup. “You didn’t spike this with anything though, right?”

“Oh, no, no!” her nerdy girl replies shockedly. “Good on you for keeping safe though! I’m actually on the ‘Party Safe’ committee in student government. Although I’m just the treasurer for the committee. But still, I firmly believe in making sure you make smart decisions at parties.”

“Good to hear,” Joy smiles warmly, feeling a wholesome, fuzzy feeling in her chest...why does she feel a fuzzy feeling at her chest in Johnny’s frat house, one of the most unwholesome places in college?

“I never gave you my name, by the way,” her dorky cute girl replies. “Hi! I’m Seulgi. I’m a massive dork who would love to talk to you more about environmentally friendly clothing brands. Care to listen?”

Joy laughs at the self-deprecating humor. “I’m Joy. And yes, I would love to listen.”

 _I love you_ , she thinks all of a sudden.

Wait, why did Joy just think that all of a sudden?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mundane_blues)
> 
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/mundane_blues)
> 
> [Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5lbpitkvPKw4gnp47GgXYM)  
> 


	2. renegade, renegade, rainy day, rainy gays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Thanks!” Jaehyun says as he walks into the room with–
> 
>  _Oh_ , Joy notes in her head as she and Ten look at each other at the same time.
> 
> “Hey guys, this is Sicheng,” Jaehyun introduces his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively, this chapter is called: raindrop, drop top (heart stop)

_It's thunder and rains, but it's all the same_

Sicheng is currently freezing his ass off, because it’s pouring rain today, and like the idiot he is, he’s only wearing a flannel, no hoodie, no umbrella, starting to feel like a soaked sponge. He’s trying to walk as fast as he can to Le Consulat, praying that there’s an open seat when he gets there (and maybe a towel).

“Hey, Sicheng!” a voice calls from behind him. 

He turns around and sees Jaehyun with an umbrella speed walking over to him. “Dude, where is your raincoat?” Jaehyun asks him concernedly. “Or an umbrella? You’re gonna get sick like this!”

“Hey, it said there was a ten percent chance of rain today, not a ninety percent chance of a thunderstorm,” Sicheng grumbles as he rushes underneath Jaehyun’s umbrella. “Thank you for providing me shelter against the harsh elements of the world.”

“Bro, calm down, it’s just water,” Jaehyun replies goofily. “Besides, don’t be so hard on the rain. Don’t you know water has emotions?”

Sicheng thinks he misheard something – is he already getting hypothermia? “Sorry, what was that?” he asks again.

“You know, water has emotions and stuff.”

“Uh...I know we’re just dumb business majors, but didn’t you learn in first grade that dihydrogen monoxide is not a living...thing?”

“I’m serious, deadass,” Jaehyun says seriously as they splash through a couple of puddles. “Oops, sorry about that. Didn’t mean to get you wet,” he winks, and Sicheng feels his insides burn with indignation and flustered bashfulness.

Why? Why is he catching feelings for this dorky sweetheart of a stereotypical college _bro_ who’s definitely completely straight? He’s only known Jaehyun for a month. If Sicheng even brought up the fact that he’s interested in Jaehyun romantically, he’d probably respond with something like “yo it ain’t gay to kiss the homies as long as you got socks on!” or other idiotic non-starter, and then ghost the fuck out of him, and he’d never see or hear from Jaehyun again.

Sicheng could kick himself right now, if not for the fact that he’d just get more water on himself.

“Shut up,” Sicheng scoffs as he shoves Jaehyun playfully. “I’m serious. What do you mean when you say water has feelings? It’s literally just water.”

“Dude, humans are like seventy percent water, though,” Jaehyun responds. “So like, water _has_ to have emotions. If you say bad things around water, the molecules will change and move to indicate that it’s mad at you.”

“So if I say that I hate that it started raining right now and I don’t want it to ever rain again, the water will indicate that it’s mad at me?” Sicheng asks.

As if on cue, it starts raining even harder, droplets pounding with a pittering rhythm on Jaehyun’s umbrella.

“See? What did I tell you?” Jaehyun beams goofily as he opens the door to Le Consulat for Sicheng and wraps up his umbrella. “Thankfully we’re going inside so you can be spared from the water’s wrath.”

“Just a coincidence,” Sicheng replies coolly. “There’s literally no way water has feelings.”

“Whatever you say, _chickadee_ ,” Jaehyun shrugs with a playful grin, and it absolutely burns Sicheng’s insides whenever Jaehyun uses that nickname with a fondness that almost brings Sicheng down on one knee to scream “Marry me!” instantly. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

 _I’m literally ignoring all the warning signs and catching feelings for you, it’s way too late to warn me_ , Sicheng sighs inside his mind.

“Yo, that table is free – snag it!” Jaehyun points to a vacant table in the coffee shop, and Sicheng runs over to get it. He starts unpacking his laptop and notes (that are miraculously not soaked) and takes off his flannel, completely drenched with raindrops. He sighs, wishing he had a spare sweatshirt or jacket to walk home in. He slips out of his shoes, which are also drenched in water. Hopefully they dry off in the heat of the coffee shop.

“Hey, got your drink,” Jaehyun replies as he walks over with an espresso and a cappuccino. 

“Wow, that was quick. You memorized my drink order?” Sicheng says a bit too hopefully.

“Of course, Sicheng,” Jaehyun says as he hands him his cup of coffee. It’s warm around his hands. 

Briefly, Sicheng wonders if Jaehyun’s hands would be that warm around–

 _Stop_ , Sicheng scolds himself mentally. _Do not_.

“You can also take my jacket, here,” Jaehyun says as he slips out of his fleece Patagonia windbreaker and hands it off to Sicheng.

“Wait, no it’s okay–”

“You’re shivering like crazy, Sicheng,” he insists. “Just wear it. You need it more than I do.”

 _Why does he have to act like he’s my boyfriend giving me his sweater_ , Sicheng groans internally to himself.

“Thanks, dude,” Sicheng smiles warmly, taking off his soaked flannel and slipping on the windbreaker. It is indeed very warm. And it smells like peaches, and chestnuts, and Jaehyun. He wishes he could wear it forever, remember the feeling of this forever.

Why does he want to wear it forever?

“Anything for you, _chickadee_ ,” Jaehyun winks.

Sicheng shoves him for that. “You are the absolute worst.” Jaehyun only giggles cutely in response.

Fuck, why does Jaehyun always have to make him feel so warm and fuzzy inside?

***

Joy doesn’t know how she got talked into spending her day under the blankets with Seulgi. 

Initially, Joy had gotten Seulgi’s number after their talk at the party, which had actually been a very informative and illuminating discussion on fast fashion’s unsustainable culture and why it was good to thrift shop and support environmentally-conscious brands (even Ten had been drawn to their conversation and ended up super intrigued). Afterwards, they’d texted a bit back and forth, hung out a bit to study for classes or grab some dinner together, before – on a whim – she somehow found herself inviting Seulgi over to cook with her.

Upon finishing making their jajangmyeon and sundubu-jjigae, instead of sitting at the kitchen table, Seulgi had opted to sit on the house’s living room couch and watch ‘The Great British Bake-Off’ on Netflix. Her housemates had later joined them on the couch, and as Seulgi and Joy had scooted over to make space for Taeyong, Chungha, Wendy, Ten, and Doyoung, she found herself getting closer and closer to Seulgi. Until eventually, they had together moved under the same blanket, huddled closely next to each other on this rainy day, precipitation pounding with a pitter-patter outside.

Seulgi feels incredibly warm next to her, and she’s currently resting her head on Joy’s shoulder. Which Joy knows she should just interpret as platonic (she rests her head on her housemates’ shoulders all the time), but for some reason it gets her heart racing with that warm, fuzzy feeling again.

For some reason, she doesn’t seem to mind the idea of being domestic with Seulgi. Seulgi’s such a sweetheart. Although Joy absolutely hates the phrase “wholesome bean”, she doesn’t know a better descriptor for Seulgi Kang. In the past two weeks she’s gotten to know Seulgi, she’s learned that Seulgi’s favorite movie is “Before Sunrise”, her favorite midnight snack is Pringles, her favorite cafe is Le Consulat (she’s heard Jaehyun talk about it a couple of times), which is where she avidly bullet-journal for hours, and her favorite pastime to do is people-watch in the local park and sketch people.

Joy likes to think that if a teddy bear were an actual person, Seulgi would be her own personal teddy bear. A warm, toasty, snuggly teddy bear that Joy wishes she could cuddle with before she falls asleep.

Okay, so maybe Joy does want some of that domestic fluff as she snuggles closer to Seulgi, resting her cheek on the top of Seulgi’s head, her hair soft and smelling like oranges. Joy doesn’t even like oranges. Why does she like it so much when Seulgi smells like oranges?

Joy sighs. She wishes she wasn’t so scared to love again, not after Sungjae broke her heart.

She hears the door open as Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood begin to review someone’s Victoria sandwiches. “Hey, I’m home!” Jaehyun calls out from the front door.

“Yo, Joy and Seulgi made food if you want some!” Taeyong calls over Paul Hollywood criticizing the ratio of butter to eggs that’s affecting the texture of the cake. 

“Thanks!” Jaehyun says as he walks into the room with–

 _Oh_ , Joy notes in her head as she and Ten look at each other at the same time.

“Hey guys, this is Sicheng,” Jaehyun introduces his friend, who is also wearing Jaehyun’s windbreaker, Joy notes with mild surprise. “I invited him over to continue studying here at the house, if that’s okay.”

“Why’d you invite this loser over here?” Ten smirks. “He’s just gonna stink up our house with that mildew-y smell because he’s all soaked.”

“Hello to you too, asshole,” Sicheng says dryly. “Hey, Taeyong.”

“Sup, Sicheng.”

“Wait, you guys know Sicheng?” Jaehyun asks confusedly, just the tiniest bit of panic in his voice.

“Oh, I didn’t tell you?” Ten smirks. “Me and Taeyong teach the classes for high school kids at the same dance studio that Sicheng does.”

“Oh, uh...nice, didn’t know that,” Jaehyun coughs a bit too loudly. “You didn’t tell me you danced, Sicheng.”

Sicheng raises an eyebrow. “Why, is that a problem?”

“No, uh, I just meant–”

“You get offended so easily, _Winnie_ ,” Ten says with a smirk.

“Winnie?” Jaehyun repeats confusedly.

“Shut up, I told you not to call me that,” Sicheng snaps shortly.

“I know you love me,” Ten blows a kiss Sicheng’s way. “Ex oh ex oh, gossip girl.” He winks playfully.

“You’re literally in a one-year relationship with Kun-ge, stop flirting,” Sicheng retorts blandly in Mandarin.

“Uh, what did he say?” Jaehyun asks.

“He said,” Ten pausese before he says in passable Mandarin, “ _I could eat Jaehyun up like he’s a piece of_ –”

“Shut up, you are so annoying, you barely know Mandarin, loser,” Sicheng sticks his tongue out.

“Did you give him your windbreaker, Jaehyun?” Joy asks coyly.

Jaehyun’s ears turn bright red. Sicheng doesn’t seem to notice. “Uh...yeah, I did. His clothes were all soaked, and I didn’t want him to get sick or catch hypothermia, so–”

“ _Maybe he caught feelings instead_ ,” Ten teases in Mandarin, and Sicheng goes over to shove Ten off the couch, but Ten only cackles loudly.

“Eat shit, Ten.”

“What did he say?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Sicheng huffs exasperatedly.

“Uh...anyways, we’re gonna go up to keep studying in my room, I guess, if that’s okay with you, Ten?”

“Of course it is,” Ten, aka Jaehyun’s roommate, smirks. “Remember to use protection, _love_!”

Sicheng just huffs exasperatedly as he follows a red-eared Jaehyun up the stairs. 

Seulgi turns to Joy. “Is there an inside joke I’m missing here?”

“Oh, _that_ , we just like to give Jaehyun a hard time about having a bit of a man-crush on Sicheng,” Joy replies matter-of-factly. “Their bromance is just adorable though. They’d make a cute couple, if only Jaehyun weren’t straight.”

“Um, Jaehyun? Straight? I already told y’all that he’s got a huge blushing, bulging, and bi-as-fuck boner for Sicheng,” Ten whispers with conspiratorial flair as he moves in closer next to Joy to be a part of their conversation. Surprisingly, she finds herself slightly annoyed that Ten is intruding on her conversation with Seulgi, when normally she delights in gossiping with him. Why is she so annoyed that he’s interrupting a conversation between her and Seulgi?

 _Because it’s Seulgi_ , her brain coos affectionately.

 _Shut up, me!_ Joy snaps annoyedly at herself.

“Tennie,” Joy says with mock admonition, “you of all people should know that you shouldn’t speculate on someone’s sexuality, or out someone. If Jaehyun says he’s straight, then he’s straight.”

“Mhmmm, okay,” Ten says caddishly, “just like you say you don’t have a crush on–”

She promptly puts her hand over Ten’s mouth so his words are muffled.

“You have a crush?” Seulgi asks with the innocence of a kindergartner asking their parents how babies are made. “On who?”

“It’s nothing,” Joy rolls her eyes in a rehearsed manner. “Ten just likes to make fun of the fact that I used to have a crush on Wendy.”

“Oh!” Seulgi replies. “You...like girls?”

“Uh...um, yeah, I thought it was...obvious,” Joy says a bit timidly, suddenly feeling a bit of apprehension rushing through her. “I’m, er, pansexual.”

“Oh...uh, cool!” Seulgi says contemplatively. “Err...congratulations?” she adds awkwardly.

Then she smiles and laughs, and Joy smiles, a huge sense of relief washing over her. “Sorry, that was awkward,” Seulgi says good-naturedly, like the good wholesome bean she is. “I like to think it’s obvious that I believe love is love, but I get it, it’s kind of hard to casually come out to people if it doesn’t come up in conversation naturally.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Joy says warmly. “I’m just glad you don’t think it’s that big of a deal.”

“Of course not, Joy,” Seulgi replies. “I’ll be your friend regardless.”

_Friend._

Why does that make Joy’s heart stop?

Is it because she wants to be more than friends with Seulgi? No, it’s not like she wants that…

...unless, she does?

Ten just scoffs and rolls his eyes as he focuses back on Paul and Mary politely criticizing baked goods. “I’ll never understand you lesbians.”

“Shut up, Ten,” she shoves him playfully. “We need more friendships between us and the gays. It’s solidarity.”

Seulgi laughs, and now instead of a stopped heart, Joy’s got a fluttering heart. Why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mundane_blues)
> 
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/mundane_blues)
> 
> [Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5lbpitkvPKw4gnp47GgXYM)  
> 


	3. it's those damn phones!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun knows he’s desperate if he’s calling Donghyuck, of all people, for advice. But right now he feels like he’s run out of options.
> 
> Seulgi knows she must be horrible at this, if she’s asking Joohyun for advice. But right now she needs someone who’s going to be honest and blunt with her.

_I'm paying for this call, and I don't mind at all_

Jaehyun knows he’s desperate if he’s calling Donghyuck, of all people, for advice. But right now he feels like he’s run out of options.

Asking Ten for advice is the equivalent of asking Ten to plot one of his devilish schemes to get his friends together, which (75 percent of the time) never ends well. 

Asking Kun for advice is the equivalent of going to his mom for advice (he knows his mom means well, but he never goes to his mom for advice anymore). 

Asking Johnny, Taeil, Yuta, Doyoung, or Taeyong for advice is the equivalent of asking if they’re okay with bros being more than bros, and while he knows they’d be supportive (why wouldn’t they be, Yuta and Taeyong are practically friends with benefits and a joint 401k at this point), he’s just not ready to have that conversation with them yet (especially after having a bit of a mental breakdown when Jungkook and Mingyu had started making gay jokes in the Marketing Association board group chat and he realized that maybe, just maybe, he needed new friends – he still has it muted for a reason).

Speaking of his business club friends, asking any of the people in said group chat is the equivalent of asking to be teased for his entire college career _on top of_ having rumors swirl around about him in said Marketing Association. Jaehyun had just thought he was being friendly, but after the debacle of a spectacle that had been his breakup with Rosé, apparently he was on the hunt for a rebound and just _exuding_ raw sexual magnetism with his constant flirtatious behavior (he still has a bone to pick with Yugyeom for fanning the flames of those rumors post-Rosé).

Asking Chungha, Wendy, Nayeon, Joy, or any of his girl friends (not Rosé, his former girlfriend) is the equivalent of asking for gossip to be spread about him. Well, maybe not with Wendy, but given that Wendy’s dating Taeil, that’s the exact same thing. Chungha? She practically trades gossip like an inside trader in the stock market. And Nayeon? The real life equivalent of Cher Horowitz meets Regina George? He’d rather ask Ten than Nayeon. And asking Joy for advice is...wait, actually, why the fuck did he never consider asking Joy for advice?

“Hello?”

Too late. His aunt has already picked up the other line.

“Hi, _imo_ , it’s Jaehyun.”

“Oh, Jaehyun, hi! Are you still coming to Jisung’s birthday dinner tomorrow?”

“Oh! Yeah, yes, I am,” he says politely. Fuck, he had totally forgotten about that, and now he’s going to look like such an asshole when he cancels his dinner plans with Sicheng tomorrow. “Is Donghyuck there? He’s not picking up his cell phone.”

“Ah, that boy is so rude sometimes, I swear,” she says tiredly. “He’s up in his room, hold on – DONGHYUCK!” she shouts. “PICK UP YOUR PHONE!”

Thirty seconds later and hearing some bickering, the line drops and then Donghyuck calls him.

“You’re so annoying, Jaehyun. I’m literally seeing you tomorrow for dinner, could this not have waited until then?” Donghyuck huffs annoyedly.

“No, it really couldn’t,” Jaehyun says honestly. “It’s urgent, Donghyuck. You know I must be desperate if I’m calling you, of all people, for relationship advice.”

He can practically hear the devilishly gleeful smile spread across Donghyuck’s face over the phone. “Wow, Jung Jaehyun, playboy extraordinaire, is asking me, blushing virgin Lee Donghyuck, for advice. Oh, how the turn tables.”

“I’m not a playboy. And no way in hell are you still a virgin.”

“Sadly there’s no premarital sex for me because I’m currently dating a _good Christian boy_ ,” Donghyuck says charmingly, “who I have yet to corrupt.”

“Isn’t your side of the family Protestant?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be asking me for relationship advice instead of asking whether or not Mark and I do the devil’s tango before Sunday’s church service?”

“You are so annoying,” Jaehyun huffs half-humorously, half-tiredly. “Devil’s tango? Seriously? Does Mark know you talk like this, _unironically_?”

“I actually think it might be one of his kinks, the way I have euphemisms for everything,” Donghyuck says gleefully, “but we’ll see. He’s so vanilla. Although I’ve found he might _really_ like it if I call him–”

“Okay, _anyways_ ,” Jaehyun interrupts, remembering that he is talking to a hormonal high school teenager, who also happens to be _Donghyuck_ , “I just wanted to ask you...how did you first ask out Mark?”

Donghyuck doesn’t respond immediately. “Uhh...what?”

“You know...how did you, well, know you liked Mark enough to ask him out?” Jaehyun says.

“Uh...um...well, actually, he was the one who asked me out first,” Donghyuck says, and there’s a hint of sheepishness to his words. “He...he was the one to ask me out, not the other way around.”

“Wait, what?” Jaehyun says surprisedly. “So all that talk about how you were gonna ask him out and work up the courage to–”

“Okay, yeah, yeah, I said all of that,” Donghyuck interrupts him hastily, “but before I got the chance to do that, he asked me out first, when we went to get ice cream after school one day so...yeah, he was the one who asked me first.”

“Wow, he propositioned _you_ , and not the other way around?” Jaehyun smirks through the phone. “Didn’t know you were someone to get stage fright.”

“Shut up,” Donghyuck snaps annoyedly, although Jaehyun can hear the embarrassment creep up in his voice. “I just...didn’t expect him to be the one to ask me out, since I literally had no idea he liked me back. Anyways, why are you asking me about this?”

“Oh, yeah, that,” Jaehyun recalls back to his current dilemma, as he’s got about twenty minutes to head to the building for Econ 130, so that he can get there and meet Sicheng early before class. It’s sort of a ritual now – Jaehyun walks to the bench outside the building early, waits for Sicheng to get off his job in the music mailroom, and then they sit and chat for five minutes before walking in together to lecture. It’s not like he also kinda wants to pepper Sicheng’s lips with kisses on their bench five minutes before class, or hold hands and then cuddle up close to him, or ask him how he’s doing, or if he wants to move in together as he brushes his bangs out of Sicheng’s cute eyes–

“Uh, earth to Jaehyun? What is the _that_ ,” Donghyuck says, “that you are referring to? You can’t just leave me hanging here.”

Oh, right, he’s on the phone with Donghyuck.

“I think...uh...I might be in a similar situation as you,” Jaehyun says flusteredly.

Again, he must be desperate if he’s calling Donghyuck, but Donghyuck is also the only one who would actually understand how he feels. And he definitely does, because Donghyuck’s lack of immediate response makes him relieved rather than nervous.

“What do you mean?”

“As in...the _exact_ same situation you were in with Mark.”

“So...with a girl? Or–”

“No...with...with a dude, yeah, I...I think I might have feelings for a guy.”

He senses the tension through the phone.

“Jaehyun, are you...are you coming out to me that you’re…?”

“Bisexual,” Jaehyun says with an anxious relief washing over him, finally feeling some weight come off his shoulders. “Yeah, yeah, I know, that’s like, not what you would think, because of my reputation as a–”

“No, _no_! Dude, it’s fine, it’s cool, it’s cool,” Donghyuck says as Jaehyun hears him shut the door to his room. “You know I love and support you no matter what. I mean, I never really thought you were...you know...liked guys? Especially when you started dating Rosé…”

Jaehyun inhales a little too sharply, Donghyuck notices and apologizes. “Sorry, didn’t mean to mention her like that. I know you guys didn’t exactly end on the greatest terms.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Jaehyun sighs. “Don’t worry about it. We’re in a better place now. It’s just still a bit of a sore topic, that’s all.”

“So...when you said you’re in a similar situation as me, it’s because you...have a crush on a guy?” Donghyuck says with uncertainty, and all things considered, for a sixteen year-old teenager trying to help a nineteen year-old college student through (as the kids call it) a gay panic™, Jaehyun thinks Donghyuck’s handling this pretty well.

“Kind of,” Jaehyun sighs. “I’m actually going to meet up with him in like, fifteen minutes, before class. We like to hang out and sit on a bench, and like...well, talk, before class starts.”

“Oh, shit,” Donghyuck says with a low voice, definitely shocked. “Dang, dude, I didn’t know...well, I’m glad you told me. And I’m glad you’re, you know, comfortable enough with yourself to know who you are! I’m glad you trust me enough to...you know, open up about this.”

“Thanks, Hyuck.”

“Have you told anyone else about that, or…?”

“No, not really,” Jaehyun sighs. “I mean, I get the feeling some of my housemates know, at the very least Ten _definitely_ knows, Joy might suspect but I’m not sure, but...I don’t know, dude. This is the first time I’ve ever felt this like...lovesick for someone. Let alone another guy.”

“Lovesick? You weren't lovesick for Rosé?”

“I was in love with her, but I think...I think I might be sick, how much I actually like him. Not even like, just...I already know I love him, and I don't even know if he's interested in me.” Jaehyun realizes how bad that sounds. “Fuck, this is so messed up.”

“Crap, dude. Do you have it bad?” Donghyuck asks with uncertainty.

“You know how when we had that family dinner with _halmoni_ a couple months ago, and you kept talking and ranting and whining to me about how hung up you were on Mark?” Jaehyun says. “It’s...that bad, except it’s worse.”

“Oh my god, I cannot imagine,” Donghyuck says. “Have you...well, is he straight?”

“I don’t know, maybe?” Jaehyun sighs. “It’s not exactly something I’m going to ask. Because if he is, then he’ll get super offended. And if he’s not, then he might think I’m coming onto him, and I...I don’t even know if he likes me. And I...well, I haven’t told anyone yet.”

“Damn, I’m sorry dude,” Donghyuck says empathetically. “That’s definitely a hard place to be in, right now. Well...I guess if you wanted my advice...okay well, keep in mind, I’m not that experienced with this stuff, since I’ve only ever liked Mark. But I think you should just try talking to him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, just like, I don’t know...just try to gauge whether or not he might be interested in you,” Donghyuck says. “Just invite him to do things, just the two of you.”

“But I already do that?” Jaehyun says confusedly. “I already ask him if he wants to study together, and if he wants to come over to my place to hang out or play video games. It’s not like I can just ask him if I can get into his pants.”

“Okay, first of all, _bad_ ,” Donghyuck chides him, “but more importantly, I think you should understand that there’s a difference between platonic hangouts versus romantic hangouts.”

“There is?”

“Yeah, I mean, when I was trying to court Mark–”

“ _Court_ Mark? He’s the one who asked you out–”

“Alright, fine, fine, technically he courted me first. _As I was saying_ , when I was trying to _pursue_ Mark, and I didn’t know if he was gay and whether or not he liked me, I tried doing couple- _ish_ romantic things with him, but without adding all the subtext at once.”

“Like what?”

“Like seeing a movie together, or getting dinner, or cooking brunch together at his house. Those are things that couples do, but also if there’s no subtext for a relationship, it can come off as platonic,” Donghyuck adds. “It’s up to you to be subtle and add the subtext for him.”

“That...amazingly makes a lot of sense,” Jaehyun says bewilderedly, sort of dumbfounded that his sixteen year-old cousin has somehow given him a possible solution to his problems. 

He looks at the clock in his room and notices he’s got to head to class soon. “Hey, I gotta head to class now, so I’m gonna hang up soon. But thanks, _Haechannie_.”

“You know I despise that nickname,” Donghyuck says, and he can practically hear him scowl through the phone.

“I know, I know,” Jaehyun chuckles. “But seriously, thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Yeah, I mean, we can talk about this more, later, when you come back home tomorrow and I see you for Jisung’s dinner,” Donghyuck replies. “But yeah, we’ll talk about it later.”

“Alright, talk to you later.”

“See you later, loser.”

Jaehyun laughs. “Bye, virgin.”

“Bye, blue balls.”

***

Seulgi knows she must be horrible at this, if she’s asking Joohyun for advice. But right now she needs someone who’s going to be honest and blunt with her.

Asking Wendy for advice is the equivalent of confronting her biggest flaw, and she can’t do that. And she’s not ready to tell Wendy, not yet, because Wendy will want them to date, and Seulgi has no idea if she wants to date her, and if Wendy asks her what she wants to do, Seulgi will say she doesn’t know, and that scares her. Because Seulgi _hates_ feeling indecisive. 

She knows it’s her biggest flaw, not being able to make up her mind, hesitating every time. But she can’t shake it off, it’s marred her every step of the way.

Asking her dance team for advice is the equivalent of coming out to them, and she’s not ready to do that. Not when they always talk about guys they like, or have hooked up with, and dudes they think Seulgi would be interested in, and every time Seulgi gets more and more scared that they’ll ask her “Wait, do you like girls?” and she’ll panic, and then they’ll know. And _especially_ not when Chungha is on her dance team, and Chungha would of course tell Joy.

Asking Sunmi for advice is the equivalent of Sunmi psychoanalyzing her for two hours straight, and then using their conversation as fodder for her sociology dissertation on bisocial inoculation and critical queer intersectional feminist theory. And while she thinks Sunmi’s job is amazing and Sunmi is a fascinating intellectual, Seulgi is _not_ having her personal life be a three-page section of Sunmi’s research. Not after the last paper Sunmi published.

Asking Yeri for advice is the equivalent of swallowing her pride. And while she thinks Yeri would do a good job advising her, Seulgi still has enough of a modicum’s embarrassment to _not_ ask her sixteen year-old cousin for advice on asking Joy out when she is an _actual adult_ who should know how to do this by now.

If only she knew how to do this right now.

But she doesn’t, which is why she’d called Joohyun to meet her at Le Consulat and talk with her over a cup of coffee about how Seulgi is one of the most indecisive lesbians to ever exist.

“I just, I don’t know, are we meant to be in a relationship?” Seulgi hesitantly asks. “I feel like Joy is super cool, but she’s just...too cool for me, you know? I feel like I’m too much of a nerd for her.”

“Uh, sure, if you were in _high school_ ,” Joohyun retorts bluntly. “But you’re in college now, Seulgi. This isn’t about you being too much of a nerd for the popular girl anymore. If you still care about thinking you’re too much of a dork for her, maybe you should reflect on yourself before you reflect on a relationship with Joy.”

“But I just feel like we have completely different personalities,” Seulgi sighs. “I’m introverted, she’s not. I like watching Netflix movies on the couch, she likes to go to raves after pre-gaming for two hours. I know they say opposites attract, but I feel like she’d find me...boring.”

“Well to be fair, you kinda are _super_ vanilla,” Joohyun smirks. “Remember when I told you about how I tried–”

“Joohyun, please, we’re in public,” Seulgi stammers flusteredly. “I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about BDSM right now.”

“Alright, alright,” Joohyun relents. “But only because you’re so cute.”

Seulgi feels her cheeks heat up. “I’m not cute.”

“But you are.”

“But I just–”

“There’s nothing wrong with being cute,” Joohyun continues as she takes a contemplative sip of her chai latte, “it just means that you need to realize that Joy might like cute too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Seulgi, you can be so dense sometimes,” Joohyun says matter-of-factly. “This girl listened to you talk for _half an hour_ about your fixation on environmentally sustainable fashion instead of playing a game of rage cage with her friends. At her friend’s frat party. Her friend, some dude who’s a frat bro.” 

“But that doesn’t mean anything,” Seulgi protests. “She was just being friendly. And why are you saying that like it’s a bad thing to be in a frat? Her friend Johnny is actually pretty nice.”

“This is the same girl who invited you over to cook at her place, multiple times, and then you watched ‘The Great British Bake-Off’ with her.”

“But we watched with her _friends_ ,” Seulgi corrects her. “It’s not like it was just the two of us. It was me, her, and her housemates.”

“Okay, and this is also the same girl who added you on Snapchat and now you two have a 60-day streak, right?” Joohyun crosses her arms as she leans back in her chair.

“...Okay, so maybe she might have an interest in me,” Seulgi says. “But I don’t...I don’t know. Maybe we’re just better off as friends. Maybe she’s not actually interested in me that way–”

“Oh my god, just _go for it_ ,” Joohyun groans. “You need to go for it, or _I_ will swoop in and take Joy from you. Seriously, you’re lucky I’m considerate enough to leave Joy to your own indecisive devices.”

“But–”

“But nothing, Seul,” Joohyun cuts her off swiftly. “If you keep waffling over whether or not you like her, and whether or not she likes you, then you’re _never_ going to know if you end up being with her. And you’ve literally done this with every single girl you’ve had a crush on.”

“But she’s different!” Seulgi says defensively. “Joy is different. I really, really like her, Joo. I don’t want to mess things up, especially if we are just better as friends.”

“And you used that same excuse for Jisoo,” Joohyun starts, “and for Jeongyeon, and for Sojung, and for Moonbyul. When are you going to realize that if you always self-sabotage yourself by thinking you’ll mess things up, you should at least _try_ to see what happens before you say you messed up?”

“But I don’t...I don’t know,” Seulgi says frustratedly. Joohyun is right. She should just go for it. She should stop complaining and lamenting about her hesitation and just straight-up ask Joy out. But Seulgi isn’t confident enough to make that decision – she doesn't even know where she found the decisiveness to ask Joy about her sexuality. “What if she doesn’t like me back?”

“Okay, then she doesn’t like you back, and you move on, and get over her, like you have with everyone else,” Joohyun says half-tiredly, half-sadly, fully empathetically. “But if you never give yourself the chance to even see if anything will happen, Seul...then nothing will.”

“I know,” Seulgi sighs. “I know.”

“Then why are you asking me what to do?” Joohyun says. “You know what you should do.”

“I don’t know,” Seulgi says.

“But you just said you know.”

“No, I meant that–”

“Meant what?” Joohyun asserts boldly, and again, Seulgi lacks the confidence to give Joohyun a decisive answer.

Crap, if she can’t even give Joohyun a decisive answer, how is she supposed to even decide to tell Joy she likes her?

This is why Joy would never go out with her. Because Joy is bold, confident, assured in her decisions. And Seulgi is not. She’s hesitant, scared of making the wrong decision, always afraid of the consequences of doing the wrong thing. And if Joy was interested in her, she would have been bold and confident enough to ask her out by now.

It’s frustrating. Why is Joy so decisive, while she can't ever make up her mind? Seulgi hates the anxiety that always wells up in her chest whenever she feels her hesitance overwhelm her.

Seulgi just sighs as she takes an exasperated sip of her coffee. “I don’t know why I’m like this,” she says despondently. “I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to make a decision.”

“Then don’t be like this,” Joohyun replies adamantly. “Just make a decision. Because for once,” Joohyun pauses as she takes another sip of her chai latte, “I would like to see you decide something without my help.”

“I know,” Seulgi sighs frustratedly. “I know. I just wish I could. But I can’t.”

To Seulgi’s surprise, Joohyun cracks a smile. Which is a rare sight for anyone to see, even Seulgi, who’s known her since middle school. “Then don’t. Stop wishing for what you want to happen, and just do what you want to happen.”

“Do what I want to happen,” Seulgi repeats.

“Yes,” Joohyun smiles. “Because you know what they say, confidence is sexy.”

“It is?”

“Isn’t that why you’re so attracted to her? Because she’s a bossy top who would tell you _exactly_ what she wants to do, so you don’t have to make any decisions for yourself when–”

“Joohyun!” Seulgi exclaims embarrassedly. “I-I said I didn’t want to talk about this in public!”

“Oh, so you’d prefer it if Joy put a gag on you instead, so you couldn’t talk?” Irene says smugly. “So she can just do what she wants with you, and you’re at her mercy?”

Oh god, why does that sound so hot?

“Oh my god, this is turning you on,” Joohyun laughs, and Seulgi feels her cheeks getting even hotter.

“Shut up, it’s not,” she protests hotly. 

“Oh my god, the idea of Joy dominating you is turning you on,” she continues laughing, and Seulgi buries her shame in her sleeves as she lays her head between her arms.

“Wow, didn’t realize you were such a sub.” She can practically _hear_ Joohyun smirking from here.

“I just want a relationship, that’s all,” Seulgi mumbles into the table. “I just want a girlfriend, that’s all. Joy just might be a good option. But I don’t even know if she likes me back enough for that.”

“No, Seul,” Joohyun disagrees, “Joy is not _a_ good option. Joy is _the_ good option.”

Seulgi groans internally. Why does Joohyun always have to be right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mundane_blues)   
>  [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/mundane_blues)   
>  [Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5lbpitkvPKw4gnp47GgXYM)   
> 


	4. Hey! don't write yourself off yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joy walks upstairs to Jaehyun’s room to see if he wants to talk. She’s about to knock, but right before she does, she hears him say it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively you could call this chapter "I Like Me Better" but TBH the lyric from The Middle suits the whole *vibe* of this chapter way more so, here we go!
> 
> After this chpater, updates probably won't be as fast since I'm still working on finalizing/figuring out the remaining chapters left in this story (and get them out of rough draft mode to post-ready mode) but hopefully this story gets updated again in a couple of weeks! :)

_Won't you, won't you, won't you_

Joy doesn’t know why, out of all people, she wants to ask _Jaehyun_ for advice.

In general, Joy and Jaehyun get along pretty well. Although they had initially wanted to hook up with each other the first time they’d met, after those feelings subsided, they’d become proper housemates, too close to be just acquaintances but not quite close enough to be best friends. 

And sure, they’ll both admit that they’re not the closest (since Jaehyun’s definitely closest to Ten and Doyoung, and she’s definitely closest to Wendy), but in general everyone in The Cherry Bomb Chapel (which is what they nicknamed their house) gets along pretty peaceably (except Ten and Doyoung, who constantly bicker because Ten likes pushing Doyoung’s buttons and Doyoung love-hates Ten’s guts). 

However, she’s never really gotten (to borrow a phrase from one of Taeyong’s drunken rants) on a _midnight-existential-crisis-deep-level_ with Jaehyun. They don’t really talk about super personal stuff – it’s mostly just small talk, or ranting about how much their classes suck, or vaguely hinting at the fact that they both might be carrying some emotional baggage from their respective former relationships. However, because they both relate to having unspoken and unresolved feelings from their former relationships, Joy believes that talking to Jaehyun might help her figure out her feelings for Seulgi, since he’d understand where she's coming from. And maybe help Jaehyun figure out his own feelings, and why they’re both so hesitant to just _try_ to see if a relationship could happen.

So, after she gets home, Joy walks upstairs to Jaehyun’s room to catch him before he heads off to class, mainly to ask him if he wants to talk. She can hear him on the phone with someone, so she’s about to knock, but right before she does, she hears him say it.

“No...with...with a dude, yeah, I...I think I might have feelings for a guy.”

Joy’s hand halts right before she taps on the door, immediately shocked. 

But...it can’t be, because Jaehyun has never talked about that, and he knows that none of them care, right?

“Bisexual...yeah, yeah, I know, that’s like, not what you would think, because of my reputation as a–”

She freezes. Fuck, is he coming out to someone? Is he actually not straight?

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Jaehyun sighs. “Don’t worry about it. We’re in a better place now. It’s still kind of a sore topic, though.”

 _He’s talking about Rosé_ , Joy realizes, her heart softening a bit. She knows how much Jaehyun had a hard time dealing with breaking up with Rosé, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.

“Kind of. I’m actually going to meet up with him in like, fifteen minutes, before class. We like to hang out and sit on a bench, and like...well, talk, before class starts.”

Wait – _Sicheng_ is who he likes? Jaehyun mentioned once about how he would meet up with Sicheng before his econ class on Tuesdays. Fuck, so Ten _was_ right about him having a crush on a dude. Fuck, this is so messed. She shouldn’t be hearing this.

“No, not really. I mean, I get the feeling some of my housemates know, at the very least Ten _definitely_ knows, Joy might suspect but I’m not sure, but...I don’t know, dude. This is the first time I’ve ever felt this like...lovesick for someone. Let alone for another guy.”

 _Fuck, fuck, this is so fucked_ , Joy panics as she silently backs away from Jaehyun’s door. She quietly steps down the stairs and sits on the living room couch. 

“Fuck,” she mutters under her breath. “Fuck, what the fuck.”

She had a _feeling_ that Jaehyun might have liked Sicheng but was scared to admit it. Sort of like her with Seulgi. But now? The fact that Jaehyun could admit that he likes Sicheng...why does that make her upset? Why is she so upset? 

Because she’s scared. 

Why is she scared to admit that she might have more than platonic feelings for Seulgi?

This is why she wanted to talk to Jaehyun. But how is she supposed to talk to Jaehyun, knowing all of this, and eavesdropping on a clearly private conversation? Fuck, he doesn’t even know that she’s home. How will Jaehyun react when he sees her and realizes that she’s been home this whole time? 

Fuck.

She sits on the couch for five minutes, deep in thought and panickedly debating with herself about what to do. She could leave without Jaehyun even knowing she was here – Jaehyun hadn’t heard her come home, so he probably wouldn’t hear her leave either. 

But if she leaves, where is she supposed to go? Joy knows herself well enough that she’s not the best at keeping secrets. It might spill out unintentionally. She has an incessant need to _tell_ people things, and if she doesn’t tell Jaehyun, it might impulsively slip out and that’ll be the biggest mistake of her life.

She remembers that one of the reasons Sungjae didn’t want a relationship with her was because she compulsively told inappropriate personal information or secrets whenever she felt panicked or pressured. _Word vomit_ , that’s what he called it. And on some level, she knew that it was a problem, but hearing that from _Sungjae_ , who she loved, hurt more than admitting it to herself. _Gossip_ , that’s what he called it. Told her that she had a compulsive addiction to drama, that he tried to stomach his discomfort with it but in the end it had rubbed him too much the wrong way, and that’s where it all started falling apart. 

“Fuck, fuck, this is so fucked,” Joy groans quietly, her hands carding through her hair frantically.

And it had absolutely crushed Joy, because she couldn’t say he was wrong. It was true, and maybe she wasn’t as bad as Nayeon, but she’s lying to herself if she says she _doesn’t_ love gossiping with Nayeon, Taeyong, Chungha, and Ten about people’s drama. Fuck, is that why Jaehyun’s never opened up to her, or to anyone? Doyoung’s pretty blunt, and sometimes you have to tell Ten to _stop_ oversharing, but Jaehyun...Jaehyun isn’t like that. 

Fuck, is she the reason why he sounded so uneasy talking about her having a suspicion? Was he afraid of opening up to them because he was scared they’d talk behind his back? But they’d never talk behind his back–

But that’s a lie, and she knows it. Because she has given into her vices and one time, she did talk about Jaehyun with Ten and Nayeon, and Jaehyun probably overheard it, and was uncomfortable around them, and _fuck_ , Sungjae was right, she is just a petty gossip who just wants drama, and if Sungjae, who was so patient and kind and just _everything she wanted_ said that, how the fuck was she supposed to even try dating Seulgi, who was even more patient and kind and sweet and _everything she wanted_ and more and what the fuck is she supposed to do? Is she just a bad person? Is she a bad friend? She tries to act and be a good friend, tries to have fun, have real friendships but what if all she has is friends who live for gossip and drama? What if that’s all she has, because she’s never been genuine with people in her relationships and the one time she had a chance, with Sungjae who always tried to get her to open up and to know her better, when she doesn’t even know herself–

“Joy?”

Joy’s interrupted from her rambling stream-of-consciousness thoughts and turns to see Jaehyun staring at her uneasily, his eyes shaking a bit. “Have you...have you been home this whole time?” he says quietly.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, what is she supposed to do, what is she supposed to do–

“I didn’t mean to hear that you were coming out as bi on the phone,” she blurts out, and _fuck_ , this is what Sungjae talked about, she just blurts things out without thinking of the consequences, it’s the word vomit but worse and–

“Wait...you heard me? You eavesdropped on my conversation?” Jaehyun says, each word lingering closer and closer to upset distress.

 _It’s now or never_ , the voice in her head states stonily. _You either improve and be a good person, or admit that you’re a bad–_

“Sorry, wait, that sounded bad, just, I just...okay, I was going to go up to your room, because I wanted to talk to you about–about stuff, and well, before I knocked I heard you admit that you liked a guy, and I swear, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, and I know that I’m a gossip and that you’ve heard me talk shit about people but I _swear_ , Jaehyun, I would never out you, I would never do anything to hurt you, and I’m sorry for overhearing that, it was just bad timing, and I’m sorry, please know Jaehyun, I get it. I get it, okay? I know what it’s like to be scared about your sexuality, you know that. Please, Jaehyun, just...I know you have class, but can...can you skip it? Can we just...can we talk?”

“...What the fuck,” Jaehyun says numbly. “What the actual fuck, Joy?”

“Jaehyun, you can be pissed, I get it, it was wrong of me, I just, I’m sorry, I–”

“No, fuck, no, I’m not mad, I’m just...fuck, this is so fucked up,” Jaehyun groans as he slumps against the wall, burying his face in his hands. “Fuck, this is so fucked up, I finally have someone who gets it, who knows, and I’m not even relieved, I’m just...even more angry and frustrated?”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, you have every right to be angry with me–”

“No, fuck, Joy, not even you, it’s not you I’m angry with, I’m just...I’m just angry at myself,” he finishes defeatedly.

Joy hesitates, unsure of what to say. She doesn’t want to word vomit. Not when things are so delicate as they are right now. Fuck, what should she say?

 _What do you think Seulgi would say?_ Her internal monologue ponders.

“It’s okay,” Joy says automatically, imagining she is Seulgi in this situation, and why is that helping? Why does that help her navigate this? “It’s okay, dude. I know, at least, when I was figuring out I was pan, I had a lot of trouble just...coming to terms with it, the fact that I wasn’t straight. It’s okay. Please, _please_ just know it’s okay, and I’m here for you, if you want to talk about it.”

Jaehyun just looks at the ground emptily. “I just...I don’t know anymore.”

She grabs his hand and he looks up shockedly, but she only nods empathetically as she leads him to sit with her on the living room couch. Joy motions for him to sit – he does.

 _Good boy_ , her internal monologue says. _Good Joy._

 _Ew, what the fuck, me?_ She argues with herself mentally, peeved out at her invasive and inappropriate internal monologue. _Shut the fuck up. Not a good boy, not a good Joy. Just being a supportive friend._

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Joy asks evenly, shaking those thoughts away. “I know we aren’t exactly the closest in the house, but I’m still here for you, Jae. Please know that I will always support you.”

Jaehyun laughs humorlessly. “What if I was a serial killer?”

“Well obviously not, come on, you know what I mean,” she chides him playfully. 

One deep sigh, and he starts to slowly open up. “I just...yeah, I like him a lot. I really like Sicheng, Joy. I don’t know why, but I’ve never felt this way about someone before. I don’t know what it is, he just makes me feel…”

“Like you’re a better person when you’re with him?” Joy tries finishing for him.

Jaehyun nods. “Yeah. Like, this is going to sound so stupid, but...do you know the Lauv song?”

“The one where he’s singing, _I like me better when I’m with you_?” Joy sings it aloud.

“ _I like me better when I'm with you_ ,” Jaehyun sings back, and Joy smiles, they haven’t done this for a long, long time.

“ _I knew from the first time, I'd stay for a long time,_ ” they harmonize together, blending the rich and sweet tones of their voices together, “ _'cause I like me better when...I like me better when I'm with you._ ”

They both giggle a bit, happy to have done it together. Joy gives him a high-five. 

It feels normal, talking like this.

 _Good_ , Joy thinks. _This should be normal, feel normal, just be honest with a friend and talk to someone without worrying about dishonesty._

“Yeah, so...I don’t know, I feel like I’m a better person when I’m with him?” Jaehyun explains, sighing. “I don’t know what it is, and maybe this is just me sounding like a hopeless romantic, but when I first met him a couple months ago, I just...I felt butterflies in my stomach. And then for no reason at all, I was just imagining living with him, or snuggling with him in my bed, or going on cute dinner dates with him, and I thought it was just a crush or temporary feelings but...he still makes me feel this way every time I get to hang out with him.”

Joy nods empathetically. “I get it, dude. I feel that way whenever I’m with Seulgi,” she admits.

Jaehyun turns to look at her surprisedly. “You like Seulgi that way?”

“Yeah,” she replies honestly, openly. “I didn’t want to say it or admit it for like...the longest time. Because I was scared that if I said it out loud, then it wasn’t just in my head anymore, and that it was real, that I actually like her that way.”

Jaehyun nods his head understandingly. “I get that. That’s how I felt about me liking Sicheng, until I finally told someone over the phone, just now.”

“Yeah, exactly. Like you, I feel like...like I’m a better person when I’m with her. And I know she’s not just, someone I want to just fuck around with and drop after either of us catch feelings. I...I get those domestic feelings with her too,” she groans.

“Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?” Jaehyun says confusedly.

“Because...I just, I’ve built myself up to be happy with being single, and just hooking up with people, because I’ve always told myself a relationship wasn’t worth it,” she finally admits. “Not after...you know. Sungjae.”

Jaehyun tilts his head empathetically. “I get it dude. You of all people should know that I would get it.”

 _Of course I do_ , she thinks quietly to herself.

“Yeah, that’s why...well, that’s actually why I was going up to talk to you, originally,” she states with a sense of camaraderie. “Because I know you of all people would get it. You have Rosé, I have Sungjae. I know you’ve at least told Ten and Doyoung about how that breakup sucked.”

Jaehyun sighs reluctantly. “It’s not even that it hurt, it just...made me feel, I don’t know, that trying to find someone, find _love_ , wasn’t worth it,” he tells her. “I really thought she was the one, you know? And then when she told me she wanted to break up with me because she felt like there was no connection or passion in our relationship...it really made me feel like I just wasn’t cut out for a relationship at all.”

He pauses.

“Or even love,” he finishes disappointedly.

“I know,” Joy nods her head sympathetically, rubbing her thumb on Jaehyun’s right hand, holding it tenderly. “I know, dude. It hurts, so fucking much, when someone you love tells you that it’s just not going to work out, that you two are too different for it to work. And we both...we both thought relationships weren’t for us after that.”

“And now...fuck, Seulgi is perfect for you, Joy,” Jaehyun says honestly. “She’s so sweet, and I see how happy she makes you. And you might be scared, but I think she really likes you, dude. I mean, sure, what the hell do I know? But I can just...I dunno, I have this feeling that she likes you back.”

“Aww, well, thanks Jae,” Joy smiles. “I think she likes me too, but I’m just...I dunno, after I tried doing the same thing with Sungjae and being in a relationship with him when I found out he liked me back...I’m just scared I’m going to fuck things up with her.”

“But Sungjae and Seulgi are two different people,” Jaehyun points out. “Just because Sungjae couldn’t work things out with you doesn’t mean Seulgi won’t.”

“But that’s why you don’t want to ask Sicheng out either, right?” Joy responds evenly. Not to attack Jaehyun, not to deflect against herself, but because she wants to consider his feelings too, remind him that it’s not just about her talking to Jaehyun, it’s also Joy listening to him.

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“Because you said I should ask Seulgi out because you have a sense, a feeling that she might like me back,” Joy continues. “But I’m guessing if you had a feeling about Sicheng, you would’ve tried asking him out now too.”

Jaehyun sighs. “I can’t just bring it up. And even if I did, what am I supposed to say? I doubt he’s as in over his head about me as I am about him. I don’t think it’s even healthy to like him this much.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m scared I’m just...I’m just idealizing him,” Jaehyun admits. “After I broke up with Rosé, I just started to daydream on what I wanted a perfect relationship would be. Something I would be completely happy in. And yeah, I can daydream about Sicheng, and everything I want with him, but I just...I’m scared he’s just a fantasy, and if we get in a relationship, it’ll ruin our friendship.”

“A fantasy?”

“That I like the _idea_ of dating Sicheng, and not Sicheng himself,” Jaehyun sighs despondently. “I’m scared I just like him because I’m projecting everything I want in a relationship with him, just because he’s been so nice to me, and because he’s someone I find attractive. And that...that’s so unhealthy.”

“But isn’t it healthy that you’re admitting it to me?” Joy replies.

“Even if I’m admitting it, that...that doesn’t make it right,” Jaehyun rubs his temple frustratedly. “I don’t know, I’m just scared I have such high expectations that if I actually end up in a relationship with him, I won’t actually like _him_ for him, and it’ll ruin our friendship.”

“Oh...so are...are you...oh, you’re scared this is going to be your ‘500 Days of Summer’ story, aren’t you,” Joy says understandingly.

Jaehyun only sighs in response and sits in silence contemplatively, which just confirms her suspicions. 

She’s stuck. She doesn’t know what to say.

 _Well, what would Seulgi say?_ Her internal monologue suggests, and she thinks about it for a bit, and approximately nine seconds of silence pass between them before she thinks up something to say.

“Well then...why don’t you get to know Sicheng more?” Joy says. “If you’re so scared of liking the idea of him instead of just him...then why don’t you get to know him?”

“But I don’t know how to do that,” Jaehyun huffs frustratedly, and he sounds exhausted by the thought of that. “Every time I try to just...just talk to him, my mind just gets carried away, and I think about us in the future, us living in an apartment with a puppy or a cat, and having a kitchen with oak wood floors, and a little herb garden on our balcony and...do you see? I just...I can’t help myself.”

“So...you always fantasize about doing...domestic things in the future with Sicheng?” Joy asks.

“Yeah,” he confirms tiredly. “It’s just...it’s frustrating, like my brain can’t ever appreciate the fact that I’m with him then, always wanting the very end, where we’re married, or something. And I hate it.”

Joy almost breathes a sigh of relief, because for the first time, she doesn’t have to pretend that she’s Seulgi in this situation. For the first time, she can just answer like she’s herself.

“Dude, you don’t think I get that?” Joy laughs lightly, and Jaehyun turns up to look at her.

“What do you mean? You get the same way with Seulgi?”

“Well, of course I do,” Joy smiles. “Of course I get you, Jaehyun! I feel the exact same way with her. And I used to think _ew, what the fuck, me?_ whenever I would have thoughts about that domestic shit with Seulgi. But now...having done it, having cooked with her in our kitchen, and cuddling next to her on the couch, and falling asleep together in her bed...yeah, I don’t feel that way anymore?”

“You don’t?”

“No! Because I got to _do_ all those things with her,” Joy says happily. “I’ve gotten to learn so, so much about Seulgi, these past couple of months, just because I’ve stopped trying to do the stuff I would like to do. And I’ve just learned to, you know, figure out what she likes doing.”

“And she likes..domestic stuff? And you don’t?”

“Well, I mean, I’m not exactly the paragon of a housewife here, am I?” Joy smirks. “I still love partying, and going clubbing with Ten and Taeyong and their respective _man-candies_ –”

“Dude, please don’t,” Jaehyun giggles cutely, and that makes Joy happy, knowing that the tension is slowly resolving out of his body, that he’s starting to relax. “It’s already bad enough that Ten refers to Yuta and Kun like that, it’s even worse that Yuta and Taeyong go along with it and Kun doesn’t put up much protest to it.”

“Well, I would explain to you why he doesn’t put up much protest, but you probably want to be spared all the raunchy details of Ten’s sex life, no?” Joy says humorously, and Jaehyun keeps giggling, and it makes Joy happy, knowing that they’re just having a genuine conversation, no pettiness required.

“I really don’t,” Jaehyun chuckles.

“Thought so,” she winks back. “But like I was saying, I’m not exactly a model housewife. I’m a twenty year-old binge-drinking bar-crawling sorority-brunching self-proclaimed _hoe_ , and I like being that. I’m okay with that life. But having that life and being domestic with Seulgi...I’ve realized the two are not mutually exclusive.”

Jaehyun’s eyebrows lower a bit in confusion. “I’m not sure how this is relevant to me and Sicheng and my problem with romanticizing everything about him.”

“Well, what I mean is that...I’ve enjoyed that I like doing that fluffy, sappy domestic shit, because, well...it makes Seulgi happy,” Joy replies honestly. “Because yeah, I met her at a frat party, so I know Seulgi’s down for my binge-drinking bar-crawling sorority-brunching self-proclaimed _hoe_ self. But I’m also down for just cooking an afternoon meal with her and watching this artsy 50’s French movie she likes–”

“Wait, which one–”

“No, it’s not ‘The 400 Blows’, it’s ‘La Chinoise’, and no, I don’t want to have a discussion about it, I already forced myself to listen to Seulgi talk about why it was such an excellent commentary on Jean-Luc Goddard’s view of the _bourgeoisie_ ,” Joy almost rolls her eyes, forgetting Jaehyun’s a massive film nerd, but she stops herself because she remembers that she loves it whenever Seulgi gets all impassioned talking about films, so if she can get excited for Seulgi, then why can’t she get excited for Jaehyun too?

“But that’s beside the point,” Joy states before Jaehyun can start ranting to her about why ‘The 400 Blows’ is one of the greatest films of all time, “my point is that do you think I would ever be the type to sit through an hour-and-a-half French film made from the 50s? No. But with Seulgi, I will, because she likes that, and I like her, and...well, I like whatever makes her happy.”

“So...wait, you’re saying I should try to figure out what Sicheng likes?” Jaehyun says confusedly. “And then see if I like them too?”

“No, what I mean is that...well yes, that too actually,” Joy pauses to reconfigure her thoughts, “do that too, because that’s important, you know. And it’s okay if you guys don’t like the same things. I mean, look at me and Seulgi. We’re not exactly the same here.”

“Well, they do say opposites attract?” Jaehyun offers.

“Usually not like this, but yeah, I guess...I guess we are opposites,” Joy pauses again, realizing how Seulgi really isn’t super similar to her and yet somehow, they click, they’re still friends, Seulgi’s been the person she’s probably spent the most time with these past couple of months, and that has to mean something, right?

 _Focus, Joy_. 

Right, she’s here to help Jaehyun with _his_ gay problems, not just hers. 

But didn’t she originally go to talk to him to talk about her gay problems too?

 _But isn’t talking about this with him, and explaining it to him, helping you understand it too?_ Her inner monologue offers.

And, surprisingly, that makes complete sense to Joy. 

Because explaining this to Jaehyun, it makes her realize just why she had been so hesitant to admit she likes Seulgi – because that would admit to _liking_ Seulgi, and _liking_ domestic things. But there’s a difference between liking doing domestic things, and liking doing things _with Seulgi_. 

“But what I’m trying to say is that, doing domestic things with Seulgi, I’ve gotten to learn more about her. And all the things I learn about her...they make me like her more, just for her,” Joy replies. “I used to hate thinking about growing old and doing domestic, sappy shit with someone, and I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with that shit until I was forty. But...with Seulgi, I don’t mind that idea. And you...you don’t seem to mind that idea with Sicheng either, right?”

“Well...no, I can’t stop thinking about it whenever I’m with him,” Jaehyun sighs wistfully. 

“So then stop thinking about it and just...do it,” she states bluntly.

“What do you mean?”

“Here, this is where I was going with telling you all of this,” Joy starts to feel the gears whirring in her head as she comes up with this idea, “why don’t you try doing something domestic with Sicheng this weekend?”

“Uh...what’s coming up this weekend?” Jaehyun replies. “I don’t know if I’ll be here, since I have to go back home for my cousin’s birthday tomorrow, and my mom wanted me to–”

“Well cancel those plans, because this weekend we’re doing a pasta night,” Joy states conclusively. 

“Pasta night?”

“Yeah, pasta night!” Joy repeats again cheerfully. “Because then you and Sicheng can try cooking together like me and Seulgi have. And then try watching ‘The Great British Bake-Off’ on the couch in the living room afterwards, just like us.”

“But won’t that be...kind of weird, if it’s just us?” Jaehyun replies.

“No, because we’re going to make it a house thing,” Joy says. “We’ll do it with Ten, Kun, me, Seulgi, you, Sicheng, and maybe Taeil and Wendy, too. We’ll ease you into getting domestic with Sicheng.”

“So, we all cook together, but then I...I get the chance to do all the domestic things with Sicheng?” Jaehyun says unsurely. 

“Yep! And then you can stop thinking about _doing_ those things with him, because then you’ll actually _be_ doing those things with him!” Joy finishes off.

A contemplative expression passes through Jaehyun’s face before it turns into one of realization.

“It’s the subtext,” Jaehyun thinks aloud to himself.

“Subtext?” Joy asks confusedly.

“When I was talking to my cousin on the phone, earlier, you know, the one you heard me come out to as bi,” Jaehyun begins, “he told me that to try and gauge if Sicheng was interested, I should try doing romantic activities with him, but without the romantic subtext. And at first I was kind of stumped, because I thought, how could a date not have romantic subtext? But then I realized...well, you helped me just realize now, that there’s lots of couple-ish romantic activities we do together, but as friends, all platonically, as a house. And we just don’t have the romantic subtext because we don’t like each other like that.”

“But given the opportunity with Sicheng, you’ll add the romantic subtext?” Joy understands where he’s going with this, and she’s getting excited, thinking about the two of them getting together.

“With subtlety,” Jaehyun grins back, and Joy’s so happy that she gives him a high-five. “And so will you, because we’re not doing this pasta night without trying to get you and Seulgi together too.”

“Guess you understand us lesbians better than the other gays in this house do,” Joy smirks.

“Wait, what?”

Joy just laughs to herself. “Nothing, just something in reference to what Ten said earlier, about how he said he’d never understand lesbians.”

“Well...I don’t think your sexuality matters if you’re trying to understand lesbians,” Jaehyun just grins back goofily. “I like girls just as much as you do.”

“Well, you might like Sicheng just a bit more than you do girls,” Joy laughs. “And yeah, we will be trying to get me and Seulgi together too. Because where else do you think I got this pasta night idea?”

“Seulgi?” Jaehyun says knowingly.

“She’s _so_ cute, Jae, she’s been begging for me to try and make this recipe for rigatoni alla vodka the past couple of days,” Joy explains, fond memories replaying back in her brain about how she loved teasing Seulgi about being so whiny about making this pasta recipe. “She wanted to make these two recipes from this chef online, I think her name was Molly, or something? But yeah, she wanted to make rigatoni alla vodka and pasta carbonara, and I told her that under no circumstances am I a red sauce kind of gal, and I’m also trying to watch the amount of carbs I eat. But maybe...pasta night is the perfect excuse to make all that pasta without me having to touch the vodka.”

“You? Not touching the vodka? That’s a first,” Jaehyun teases her, and Joy slaps him playfully on the shoulder.

“Well, Seulgi’s shown me a lot of firsts,” Joy banters back. “Hopefully we get to have some more,” she replies back knavishly. “And hopefully you get to have some firsts with Sicheng, too.”

“Oh trust me, Joy, I’m hoping too,” Jaehyun smiles back whimsically. “Pasta night...gosh, it’d be like Lady and the Tramp, it’s so romantic.”

“Make sure you offer him some meatballs first before you offer up the other ones,” Joy jokes, and Jaehyun’s ears turn bright red before he gives her a light shove, to which she just laughs in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun: Pasta night...gosh, it’d be like Lady and the Tramp, it’s so romantic  
>  _Narrator voice_ : It was not, in fact, romantic
> 
> see you sometime s o o n for that lil' gay pasta night 🍝 
> 
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	5. my my, how can i resist you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pasta night, as it turns out, is a bit more complicated to schedule than Jaehyun had originally thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey long time no see! thanks for sticking it out and waiting for this update haha, it's pretty short but there's still a lot more to come soon! :D

_Bring a little water_

Pasta night, as it turns out, is a bit more complicated to schedule than Jaehyun had originally thought.

This is because pasta night with Sicheng (and his extremely elaborate yet entirely haphazard plan to somehow make Sicheng fall in love with him, as if life is that easy and he’s living in some 2000’s Hugh Grant rom-com) hinged upon three sets of conditions:

  1. No more than one of his housemates (mainly Nayeon and Ten, but basically all of them to be inclusive) except Joy and Wendy (their wingwoman) being there for pasta night, and possibly Doyoung because Doyoung has just the slightest proclivity for normalcy (which isn’t really saying much, it’s _Doyoung_ , but still)
  2. Seulgi being free the same time as Sicheng, which was proving to be a challenge, since the objects of Jaehyun and Joy’s affections indeed had misaligned schedules, and
  3. Jaehyun having enough confidence and gall to actually confess that he not only likes Sicheng, but also deal with the possibility of rejection



As it turns out, even though the first two sets of conditions would eventually come around (Joy’s got an idea to get Chungha out of the house, Jaehyun’s got Sana to rely on, and Ten and Taeyong are going out this Saturday anyways), Jaehyun is stuck somewhere in eternal limbo on the third.

“Come on, we’ve been over this, Jae,” Joy says tiredly, tired because this is probably the third time this week she’s had to deal with Jaehyun panicking about inviting Sicheng for pasta night. “All you have to do is send a text. The worst thing that happens is he doesn’t respond, or he’s just busy this weekend.”

They haven’t even officially invited him yet, or even know if he’s available. All Joy knows is that Seulgi is free this weekend, and so are they, so now they just have to find out if Sicheng is too. And all that requires is sending one text with the following six words: “hey, are you busy this weekend?”

Except somewhere on typing the third word, Jaehyun keeps getting cold feet.

“But what if he takes this the wrong way?” Jaehyun asks. “What if he thinks we’re going to be studying, but then I ask him to come over for pasta, and then he gets the wrong idea? Or what if he gets the wrong idea and thinks it’ll just be us, but then it’ll also be us and you and Seulgi, and then he thinks I’m not interested like that because I invited him as a friend? Or what if he doesn’t like me at all–”

“ _Jung Yoonoh_ ,” Joy replies, “you need to get out of that ridiculously balloon-sized overthinking head of yours that is literally so fucking massive, I would have to pay a property tax just for the the space it takes up in here.”

“Uh...thanks?” Jaehyun replies, unsure if she means that as a compliment or an insult, or both. “I guess?”

“Anyways,” she continues, “are you going to send the text or not? I already invited Seulgi. All you have to do is ask if he’s free.”

“I will I will, I just want to read it over again–”

“Read what over?! It’s literally just six words–”

“I know but I want it be as easy for him to–”

“You know what, here,” she snaps and snatches his phone out of his hands, and then presses send. “There, just sent it for you.”

“JOY!” he cries out with distress.

“What?!” she shrugs. “Worst case he says no because he’s busy, and then you can mope to me about the rejection, and we try again for next week.”

“Oh my god, this is so hopeless,” Jaehyun groans as he smacks his hands into his face to cover his eyes with tepid frustration. “Why am I so hung up on him? Why? This isn’t fair, I only _just_ came out to you as bisexual and it’s already gotten this out of hand.”

“Because you like him, way wayyyy more than you want to admit,” Joy teases.

“Shut up,” he says with a moody face. “I don’t get it, it’s like somehow telling you about Sicheng has made it even worse, like before he was just Sicheng, but now…”

“Now?”

“Now instead of Sicheng he’s just making me feel like, like he's _Sichenggggg_ ,” Jaehyun whines childishly.

Joy smacks his shoulder for that high-pitched whining. “You are so hopeless, you know that?”

“I’m self-aware, thank you very much,” he says back, his mind going back to Sicheng’s cute heart-shaped lips that are pretty and pink and how nice it would be to kiss them and yep, he’s very much self-aware just how hopeless he is.

“Seriously, I’ve never seen you this hung up on someone,” Joy smiles. “You must really like him.”

“Oh no, only just a little bit, I only like him as much as you like girls who like girls, that’s all,” Jaehyun deadpans.

“Wow, and he’s got you acting all moody and sassy too? What happened to cool, calm, collected Jae,” she teases more. “Where’s Jaehyun Jung, who’s on board with me as Director of Strategy for Marketing Association, all polite and well-kept and _princely_ , biggest flirt in the club that you’ve got all the freshman girls swooning for you?”

“Shut up, you’re being as bad as Yugyeom, I’m so sick of hearing about those rumors,” Jaehyun sighs.

“Can’t believe you’re as boy-crazy as I am.”

“Hey, not boy-crazy, only Sicheng...Sicheng-crazed,” Jaehyun corrects her.

His phone goes off with the text notification sound. 

Immediately they both go to check but–

Tenmothée Chittamet [just now] : hey do u have condoms

Jaehyun can’t help but groan out loud. “Ten is so annoying, why is he even asking for condoms? As if him and Kun even use those anymore.”

Joy just laughs. “Relax, Jae,” she says. “Sicheng’s probably just busy right now. He has class, right?”

“Yeah…”

“So, isn’t he busy in class? Come on, he’s probably just busy, relax.”

“But usually he responds pretty quickly to me,” Jaehyun mumbles.

She gently massages his shoulder. “Don’t worry, honey, it’ll all work out. We’ll have our pasta night, I already feel it happening this weekend.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I manifested it.”

“But what if it doesn’t?” he pouts. “What if your manifestation doesn’t work?”

She can’t help but find him cute in the most platonic way possible when he’s like this. She feels happy, getting to know this moodier, sprightlier, and livelier side of Jaehyun, more now that they’re gay partners in crime together (the crime being that they both suck ass at pursuing romance with dancers whose names start with an “S”). She likes when he lets his guard down, can put his _prim-and-proper prince_ act aside to just goof around with her. Be a bit of a dork.

And she realizes this is how Seulgi makes her feel too, makes her feel okay to be a bit goofy, let her guard down, not pretend she’s always this one-dimensional extroverted party girl stereotype.

She likes that feeling, cherishes it a lot, whenever Seulgi makes her feel like that. She hopes Sicheng can make Jaehyun feel more of that too.

“You want some ice cream?” she asks.

“Only if it’s Ben and Jerry’s,” he says.

“Well of course, I’m nothing if not a socially conscious lesbian,” she muses as she gets up off the couch to go get a tub of Americone Dream out of the freezer.

“Sure you’re not talking about Seulgi?” he jokes.

“Well, what can I say, she’s inspired a sort of... _reformation_ in me,” Joy says, smiling to herself at that clever pun only she will understand.

***

Sicheng rubs his temples, checks his answers over one more time, and then gets up to turn his quiz into his TA. He definitely should’ve gone over his notes on risk aversion and expected utility, but it’s not like he can go back in time to study that in his notes. What’s done is done, and he accepts his probably mediocre quiz score as he opens the door to leave his discussion section.

He turns his phone, ready to plug in his headphones and listen to the Titanic soundtrack on Spotify, but notices a notification from Jaehyun.

jaehyun jung [20 mins ago] : hey, are you busy this weekend?

Sicheng smiles a bit, finding a bit of relief in the message. Ten has plans for them to go to a club this weekend, and to be honest, Sicheng isn’t really feeling up to that with their team’s upcoming dance showcase around the corner, so this seems like one way to get out of it. He knows Lucas and Yangyang will probably be disappointed he’s not coming, but it’s not like it’s the end of the world if he doesn’t go.

He texts Jaehyun back and then starts his walk home.

***

Joy and Jaehyun are ten minutes into an episode of ‘New Girl’ and one-third the way through their tub of Americone Dream when Jaehyun feels his phone buzz in his pocket. Jaehyun takes it out and checks his notifications – it’s a reply from Sicheng.

Sicheng 🐣 [just now] : i have plans but kinda wanna get out of them lol, why?

It really shouldn’t be this easy to get to Jaehyun’s heart, considering the many layers of his personality as a result of keeping his sexuality a secret and having emotional scars from Rosé. But maybe he’s not as complicated as he makes himself to be. Knowing that Sicheng has plans but wants to get out of them to do something with him, it really makes Jaehyun’s heart soar. 

“Is that Sicheng?” Joy asks.

“Yeah, he might be down,” Jaehyun smiles to himself. Joy beams up at him.

“Let me see,” Joy says as Jaehyun shows her the text. 

“What should I say back?” he asks. “Obviously I’m not great at this whole texting thing.”

“Here, let me be your translator,” she says as she takes his phone from him. 

“Don’t your mean transcriber?”

“Eh, potato, po-tah-to, what do you want me to tell him?”

“Like, invite him to pasta night, but be casual about it,” Jaehyun says. “I don’t want to sound too desperate but like, yeah...if he could get the idea that we’d do that and I’d like to do just that, it’d be nice.”

“Oh, I’m definitely sure you’d like to do more than just that,” Joy says, wiggling her eyebrows, and Jaehyun just exhales a breath a bit louder.

“Okay, how’s this?” She shows him the text she’s written.

He reads it over, and it sounds pretty perfect, he’s not gonna lie. “Yeah, send that.”

***

Sicheng’s at the crosswalk with the light turned a red hand when he gets the notification from Jaehyun.

jaehyun jung [just now] : wanna come over for dinner on saturday? I’m making pasta lol

Sicheng’s stomach growls at the thought of pasta. He doesn’t exactly know what that entails, but from what he’s heard from Ten, Jaehyun is a decent cook, so he’s down. 

He hesitates a bit at responding so fast, trying to keep his feelings in check. _Jaehyun is straight,_ he sighs internally. _He’s straight, this isn’t a date, it’s just him being a good friend...who you also really like,_ he groans internally. _Why, why do you fall for the straight ones?_

The light turns green and the crosswalk light changes to the walking man, and Sicheng walks as he considers his response to Jaehyun’s message.

Maybe he should just go to the club with Ten, try and find some guy he can hook up with for a bit, then just use that as a way to get over his feelings for Jaehyun…

 _No, Ten tried doing that last time he had a crush and it was bad, real bad,_ Sicheng recalls, memories rushing back of begrudgingly taking care of a sobbing _pre-Kun-Qian_ Ten at 3 AM in the streets downtown, as he yakked on the sidewalk and drunkenly sobbed about srat-star Johnny Suh leading him on and being a “worse queerbaiter than J.J. Abrams”. _We’re not going to be like Ten._

 _Maybe you’re straight and just haven’t found the right girl,_ he thinks to himself. _Maybe you just really, really, really admire men, in a very special way. You'll meet the right girl, one day._

Sicheng realizes that thought sounds like some spicy internalized homophobia, and decides to just stop overthinking this and text back a response, because this is going to be nothing more than two platonic guy friends, and he needs to accept that.

***

Joy notices Jaehyun’s phone go off before he does, and fishes it out of his sweatshirt pocket before he can. She opens his phone.

Sicheng 🐣 [just now] : yeah i’m down, what time?

She squeals with glee, and Jaehyun turns to look at her suddenly. “What, what is it, what did he say?!”

“He said yes!” Joy exclaims, and Jaehyun’s face lights up.

“He said yes?!”

“Yes, he said ‘yeah I'm down, what time?’, Jaehyun you have a date!!!”

“It’s not a date,” he says sheepishly, and she thinks it’s so cute how his ears are starting to turn red. But it’s not a date, not that’s it a date with Sicheng, just, you know, the calendar date, because this wasn’t a date, it’s not a date, it’s not like he wants to date Sicheng, right?

“It _so_ is,” she grins. “I’ll text him that we’ll do 8:00, that’s the time I told Seulgi, sound good?”

“Yeah, please, text him,” Jaehyun says, a bit breathless and shy, ears still burning bright red.

Joy feels so happy for Jaehyun that she can’t even bother teasing him, just sends the text and hugs him tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	6. all up in the kitchen in my heels, Dinner Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chungha's eyes narrow with skepticism. “Why are you doing this for her, Jaehyun? I didn’t think you and Joy were that close that you’d go to these lengths for her. And for pasta of all things. It's not like you're Italian.”

_Bring a little wine_

10 minutes after his alarm keeps ringing, Jaehyun begrudgingly gets out of bed, snoozes his alarm, goes about his morning business, and then throws on some pajama pants before walking downstairs to eat some cereal. Only to discover Ten and Kun making out on the living room couch. 

“ _Eh-hmmmmm_ ,” Jaehyun clears his throat, and Kun and Ten stop playing footsie with their tongues when they see Jaehyun coming down the stairs. “No PDA in the common areas, please. Come on, Ten, it’s not even the weekend yet.” He pauses. “Hell, it's not even 9 AM yet.”

“Who are you, my freshman year RA?” Ten smirks as he pulls in Kun for one more kiss before he gets up off the couch and saunters over towards him.

“No, just someone who believes in public decency, thank you very much. No one wants to see your PDA.”

“We’re _indoors_ , Jaehyunnie. This is not the public eye. Therefore, it is not, in fact, a _public_ display of affection.”

“You know what I mean,” Jaehyun sighs, too tired to banter with Ten this morning, resigning himself from the conversation as he opens the fridge to grab some oat milk. 

Ten rolls his eyes and leans on the opposite side of the kitchen counter as Jaehyun seats himself on one of the bar seats. “ _So,_ a little _chickadee_ told me you have some plans this weekend,” he says. “To make some _pasta,_ so I’ve heard,” he puts extra emphasis on the “p” in pasta.

Jaehyun nearly spills his pumpkin flax granola all over the kitchen counter. “Who told you that?” he says as casually as possible, even though internally he’s screaming, not wanting to get grilled by Ten right now.

“Your little Winnie-poo-bear,” Ten teases. “My co-captain this semester, who seems to be the target of some very, _very_ homoerotic sexual energy. Which according to my gay-dar, is pinging from you, of course.”

Jaehyun grunts and shrugs. “No idea what you’re talking about, Ten,” he says, even though inside he wants to die from embarrassment. “I already told you that I don't like guys that way.” Which, technically, is not a lie, since he considers himself to have feelings _only_ for Sicheng. 

Unfortunately, while he finds wishes to end this conversation, Ten truly thrives and revels in making people uncomfortable. “Mmmhmmm,” he hums unconvinced, “sure you don’t have any idea what I’m talking about.”

“Don’t you have class?”

“Skipping it for some Kun-time, if you know what I mean,” Ten winks.

Jaehyun huffs. “Well, you might like to skip your morning class, but I’d just like to eat my breakfast before mine.”

“Oh, but I know you’d much rather be eating Sicheng out instead before class, right?”

Jaehyun nearly chokes on a mouthful of cereal, but maintains his composure, remembering not to accidentally swallow Sich–

“You’re being a menace to society,” Jaehyun says, thinking out loud to stop himself from finishing that thought, before taking another measured mouthful of cereal. “Stop being gross, Ten. Don't make me lose my appetite.”

“Why? What’s so gross about that? Last Tuesday, Kun–”

“ _Ten,_ ” Kun says sternly from the couch. “Come on, don’t gross him out like that, I don’t think anyone wants to hear you talk about our sex life, regardless of who they are. Especially at eight in the morning.”

Jaehyun gives a mental thanks for Kun being Ten’s boyfriend, because that gets Ten’s attention and he can try eating his cereal as fast as possible.

“Gross? What’s so gross about that?” Ten says. “Do you think your boyfriend’s body is gross, Kun Qian?”

“Now I just think that you’re just being annoying for no reason,” Kun says matter-of-factly. “Come on, don’t bother your housemates. We have to get ready for class soon, too.”

Ten sighs. “Why do you always have to ruin the fun?”

“Fun,” Kun repeats. He turns to Jaehyun. “Hey, Jaehyun, do you think this is very fun?”

“No.”

“There you go.”

“Well of course it’s not fun for him, it’s fun for me, silly,” Ten says playfully. “Who doesn’t like seeing Jaehyun get embarrassed? It’s so easy to do.”

“You’re just being petty because Sicheng wants to hang out with your roommate instead of with you on Saturday,” Kun says. “And honestly, can you blame him? You are a handful.”

“Are you saying you can’t handle all of _this?_ ” Ten says as he uses his hands to gesture to his body. “Too much to handle for those hands of yours?”

“Oh no, quite the opposite, actually.”

“Really,” Ten purrs.

“Mmmhmm, I’m actually saying I can more than handle you,” Kun replies, but there’s a small mirthful smile on his lips.

“More?” Ten repeats sultrily.

“Uh, how about _no more_ ,” Jaehyun tries to interject.

“More than handle, maybe even man-handle, because I know you like that,” Kun says in a lower tone. “Discipline you, for annoying Jaehyun this morning.”

“No, seriously, you don’t have to do that,” Jaehyun tries again, even louder, further distressed. “Eating my breakfast here!” He waves his spoon like it’s a white flag. 

“Oh, and how would you know what I like?” Ten asks, sounding lecherous with every word as he locks eyes with Kun.

“Well, you are sort of an open book, like a survey,” Kun says, not breaking eye contact. “Because you’re quite responsive when admitting that you _strongly agree_ with me.”

“And what if I didn’t fill out this survey?”

“And why’s that?”

“Because, you know, let’s say I got my hands a bit tied up, when you handled me.”

“And why would that happen?”

“Well, maybe I couldn’t keep my hands to myself in the first place...”

“Baby, you know I’d do anything to tie up more than _just_ the knot, with these hands.”

“ _Mmmmmm_ , yeah? What else can those hands tie up–”

“Hey guys,” Jaehyun says really loudly, “I’m still sitting right here, eating my breakfast. Can you please kindly shut the fuck up?”

Ten and Kun both turn to look at him, and then Ten cackles. “Told you he’d break if we flirted in front of him.”

“Fucking hell, that was flirting? You guys are so cringe,” Jaehyun sighs exasperatedly as he gives up and takes his cereal with him back upstairs to his room.

Ten and Kun can’t help but laugh and high-five each other, before Joy opens her bedroom door and storms into the kitchen. 

“Can you please keep it down?” Joy snaps grumpily. “It’s not even nine yet. Some of us are trying to sleep in.”

“Well, obviously not, since you’re awake instead of sleeping in bed,” Ten replies.

“Don’t test me, Ten, I _will_ break your leg,” she threatens.

“Wow, seems like someone’s not a morning person, and that someone also seems to be–”

“ _Don’t._ ”

“Sorry, Joy,” Kun says. “We just wanted to tease Jaehyun, that’s all.”

“Okay, well next time, can you two not be so obnoxious about it?” Joy says. “Please.”

“Why? It’s so easy,” Ten grins.

“Exactly,” Joy snaps. “Teasing Jaehyun is like stealing candy from a baby. Maybe try teasing Jisoo, that’s an actual challenge.”

“Oh come on, you’re just mad you didn’t get to make fun of him this morning.”

“Ten, I’m gonna ask you one more time, don’t do it on a weekday when I’m trying to sleep in before class.”

“You are such a drama–”

“ _Don’t._ ”

“Ugh, fine, _just_ for you,” Ten says.

“Thank you,” she yawns annoyedly, walking back into her room as she rubs her eyes.

Ten and Kun look at each other for a bit before Kun speaks up.

“Seriously, I don’t know how your housemates put up with us sometimes,” Kun says. “We really were being obnoxious.”

“I know, right?” Ten laughs. “But it’s okay, I know where to draw the line. It’s just fun to push their buttons.”

“Seriously Ten, one day you’re gonna get us kicked out of your house.”

“Kicked out? You don’t even live here.”

“I’m basically your live-in boyfriend at this point,” Kun laughs. “I spend more time here than at my own place.”

“I know, poor Winnie, he’s definitely feeling neglected, since you spend all your time with your boyfriend here,” Ten says. “Who knows though, maybe Jaehyun will give him some much-needed attention.”

“Come on, Ten, don’t tease him about liking Sicheng,” Kun replies. “Whatever they are, just let their friendship happen naturally. No need to make them feel awkward around each other.”

“Oh but come on, it’s _so_ obvious,” Ten complains. “It’s like watching paint dry, seeing them dance around each other.”

“You saw them together once, on that day when it was raining, and now you’ve been on both their cases about it since. Have you ever considered that you might be making them uncomfortable?”

“I’m just trying to speed up the process. Seriously, I know I tease them about it all the time, but I just want them to be happy together, that’s all.”

“I think they are happy together, as they are right now,” Kun points out. “There’s no need to push them when they can go at their own pace.”

Ten thinks about it for a bit, and decides Kun maybe has a point. “Alright, maybe you have a point,” he says.

Kun perks up immediately at that. “So what you’re saying is, I’m right?”

“What? I didn’t say that–”

“You said I had a point.”

“I said _maybe_ you had a point.”

Kun smirks.

Ten sighs, part of him irritated at admitting Kun is right, but he likes his boyfriend so much that he’s okay with swallowing his pride. “Yes, you were right.”

“Well, thank you for admitting it,” Kun smiles as he pecks a quick kiss on Ten’s lips.

***

9 out of 10 people rely solely on their phone cameras to take all their pictures. Within that group, another 9 out of 10 people rely solely on Instagram to share those pictures with others. Now, Seulgi’s no math expert, and she’s not sure how accurate those statistics are, but either way it seems like there’s a high chance that Joy uses Instagram.

She’s not really ready to ask for Joy’s Instagram so she can follow her, not just yet. They already have an eight-day Snapchat streak going, she doesn’t want to seem like she’s _too_ into Joy, not quite yet. Yeah, she really likes Joy, but she doesn’t want to scare her off with just how _intensely_ she likes her. Joy’s already made it pretty clear she thrives in her own independence and freedom in being single, so Seulgi isn’t sure if Joy wants to commit to a relationship, if at all. Baby steps, that’s how she wants to ease into it.

Currently, Instagram’s on her mind because they’re going thrift shopping after class at one of Seulgi’s favorite thrift shops. It had been her idea, as a way to go on an unofficial “date” (really they’re just hanging out, but Seulgi’s so pathetic that she can’t help but mentally call every time she hangs out with Joy a date). Currently, they’re in the dressing room together, and Joy found this solid blue button-up blouse that she’s tucked into her jeans. And with the fake pearl necklace she’s sporting, Seulgi can’t help but simply admire just how _hot_ Joy looks right now.

She feels kind of gross for ogling at Joy like this, but it’s not like she’s mentally undressing her, or anything. Just appreciating the view...the very, very nice (maybe even sexy) view.

“How do I look?” Joy asks, turning around to look Seulgi straight in the eyes, and maybe it’s because Seulgi’s been calling these dates inside her mind and to no one else, but she’s desperately hoping the blush she feels heating up on her cheeks isn’t that obvious.

You look...stunning,” she says enthusiastically. _Like a whole damn meal_ , she mentally squeals to herself. “That color suits you well, especially with the jeans? It’s such a good outfit.”

“I know, I really like it,” Joy muses, checking herself out in the dressing room mirror. Seulgi’s eyes wander to her waist, where the blouse is tucked into her jeans, and she imagines what’s underneath the silhouette, slowly looking up the curve of her back, before eventually to the collarbone where she sees Joy’s eyes staring back at her in the mirror–

“Oh, uh–it was great, yeah, it’s such a good outfit, I like it too!” Seulgi yelps surprisedly, arm scratching the back of her neck reflexively, feeling even more embarrassed than before. _Come on, Seulgi, don’t be a pervert_ , she scolds herself. _How could you be so obvious? Shoot, you must look so pathetic._

“Uh...yeah,” Joy says, this awkward tension spontaneously blooming between them out of nowhere.

Seulgi doesn’t know what to say, how the hell does she recover from this? What does she say? Should she even say anything? What if she just doesn’t say anything, or _would you prefer it if Joy put a gag on you instead_ –

_Stop getting in my head, Joohyun-unnie!_

“Hey, let’s take some selfies,” Joy says off-handedly, grabbing her phone out of her pocket. Seulgi, thankful for the pivot in conversation, simply nods her head in agreement.

She looks at Joy’s screen to see the camera app, and puts her hands on her cheeks to cool herself down, as well as hide the slight pink blush to them.

“Wow, you look very cute, Seul,” Joy coos, scrolling through the pictures. Seulgi continues to keep her hands on her cheeks, pure embarrassment running through her and unsure of what to do besides smile at Joy’s compliment.

“Oh, wait, what’s your Instagram?” Joy says. “Do you have one I can tag you in on my story?”

“Oh, uh–yeah! Yeah sure, let me just type it in,” Seulgi says as Joy hands her phone over, and she feels slightly dizzy, she’s holding Joy’s phone, _Joy’s phone_ which has the selfie of her and also pictures and wow, Joy’s phone. 

Why has she melted into such a bumbling idiot acting like a middle school girl with a crush?

_I feel like I’m too much of a nerd for her._

_Uh, sure, if you were in high school–_

_Get out of my head, Joohyun!_

She scrunches her nose a bit to clear her head, then clicks the search bar to type her name and–

Wait a second.

“Uh...Joy?” Seulgi says shyly.

“Yeah?”

“Do you follow me on Instagram already?”

“No, that’s why I’m asking for your handle.”

“Then uh...how come I’m the most recent account in your Instagram search history?” 

“WHAT?!”

And not only is hi_sseulgi the first result in Joy’s search history, there’s also seulgi, seulgi.1, her art account sluggi_bear, and how did Joy know her art account, she’s never mentioned it to her, unless someone had told her, but if someone had told her, why would Joy ask about an art account that she didn’t know–

“WHAT?! OH! Oh, wow, uh, yeah, haha,” Joy laughs really loud all of a sudden, snatching her phone out of Seulgi’s hands frantically, clicking haphazardly throughout Instagram. “Uh, wow, okay, I was just uh, see, actually, this is–this is a really – it’s a _really_ funny story, actually.”

“Joy?”

“Yeah, uh, so basically – Wendy, she wanted to look up your account!” Joy exclaims.

“What?”

“Yeah, Wendy and Nayeon, a couple days ago my phone had died and they wanted to search you up for some reason, on Instagram of _all_ places, so I gave them my phone and they tried searching you up!”

“They did?”

“Yeah!”

“But Wendy already follows me on Instagram, I think??”

“Does she? I don't know, no yeah uh so anyways, thanks for typing it in,” Joy continues, “I just added you, follow me back when you get the chance! Hey, look, just tagged you!” She holds up her phone incredibly close to her face, Seulgi almost feels the glass screen touching her nose.

“Oh...okay? Do you–”

“Hey, I saw this _really_ cute top on your rack–the rack! The rack, the rack I found this blouse on,” Joy says all of a sudden. “Wanna go check it out?” 

“Huh?”

“It would totally suit you!”

“Sure?”

“Okay, well, come on let’s go!” Joy says hastily as she grabs Seulgi by the wrist and they rush out of the dressing room in a blink of an eye, ultimately leaving Seulgi very, very dazed and confused.

***

8:00 PM is usually dinner time, but right now Jaehyun’s forgotten about eating as he listens to Joy rant about how embarrassed she feels.

“I mean you should’ve been there, Jae, I looked like such a fucking idiot!” she shouts, pacing about his room frantically. “I don’t know why I didn’t clear the searches before I gave her my phone but I wasn’t thinking because I was so mesmerized by her and her stupid cute smile that’s so stupidly cute, I got distracted because I caught her staring at me in the blouse and then she sees that she’s all my recent searches on Instagram?! Fuck, she’s so going to get the wrong impression of me!”

“Fuck, man, that bites,” Jaehyun nods. “I’d be so embarrassed if Sicheng took my phone and saw that all my most recent Instagram searches had been of him.”

“And what’s even worse is that I didn’t even follow her then, so she knew I was looking her up!” Joy cries. “And I tried making up this weird excuse about Nayeon and Wendy looking her up on my phone but I panicked and just, fuck, it was so awkward after that.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry Joy,” he says sympathetically. “I really don’t know what to do. Have you tried asking Wendy or Nayeon for advice?”

“No, because that’s like inviting the whole house for their opinion, and the _last_ thing I need right now is that,” she groans, erratic fingers combing through her hair frantically. “If anything, Wendy and Nayeon are just going to laugh at my embarrassing misery. And then Nayeon will tell everyone and their _eomma_ about it.”

“I don’t know, I feel like this is something girls would be better at giving you better advice about, you know?” he says. “I really don’t know the whole girl world thing about Instagram politics. If I were you, I would simply just delete Instagram.”

Joy looks at him with disgust, absolutely aghast that he would even ask her to delete her Instagram, with over 8,000 followers. “Ugh,” she scoffs, “why are men so fucking useless, I swear.”

“Hey, I’m not useless.”

She gives him a pointed look. “Oh really? And which one of us could barely send a text message to his crush yesterday without his ears turning red, nearly having a meltdown like a big titty anime schoolgirl?”

“I don’t even watch anime,” Jaehyun says. “That’s Taeyong and Yuta. But I’ll take the compliment for my big tits, thanks.”

“Oh okay, so you weren’t scrolling through Sicheng’s tagged photos and saw that he cosplayed an anime character, then spent half an hour looking up variations of ‘anime boy pink shirt white hair mask’, and then stayed up all night watching watching ‘Hotarubi no Mori e’ because you wanted to talk about it the next day with him?”

Jaehyun’s jaw drops wide open.

“Oh no, wait, that was _totally_ you!”

“How the hell did you know about that?!”

“Remember how I knocked and walked in a couple weeks ago to ask if you wanted to watch ‘The Proposal’ with me and Seulgi downstairs and you shut your laptop really fast?”

“But you didn’t see anything, I closed it when you knocked!”

“That’s because you didn’t hear me the first time I knocked because you had your headphones in, while you were looking for a place to stream Hotarubi.”

“What the hell, Joy?!”

“What? You didn’t respond when I knocked, so I opened the door, saw you were watching it, and to spare yourself from embarrassment until now, I closed the door and then knocked way louder.”

“Well you could’ve just knocked louder the very first time!” Jaehyun exclaims. “And how did you know about his cosplay on Instagram?”

“Seulgi glanced over your shoulder while we were taking the bus back home, also two weeks ago. Saw you lurking through his tagged photos. She said you lingered on that cosplay photo just a _bit_ too long, Baby Jae.”

“Fuck me,” Jaehyun groans, leaning back into his chair and covering his hands with his face.

“I’ve gotta tell ya, Jae, ever since you told me your little secret, you’ve been getting _way_ too careless, slipping up this much,” Joy smirks. “I know you’re cautious around everyone else, because you don’t want them to know, and that’s fine. But seriously, be a bit more careful, otherwise you might accidentally end up outing both yourself _and_ your borderline obsession with Sicheng.”

“I am _not_ obsessed with him,” Jaehyun says indignantly. “And you’re one to talk right now, leaving Seulgi’s name in your search history for her to see? Talk about careless _and_ obsessed. You’re just as bad as me, if not worse because at least I hide my obsession in the privacy of my own home. Meanwhile, Seulgi probably thinks you’re a stalker.”

“Oh yeah? Well…”

She's kind of stumped at how to respond to that, because technically, Jaehyun has a point.

“Okay, I have no other point to make,” she sighs. “You got me there, fuck, she probably thinks I’m a psycho.”

“That's because you are.”

She smacks Jaehyun on the arm for that one. 

***

7 other people live in the Cherry Bomb Chapel with Joy and Jaehyun. Technically, their house used to be evenly split between boys and girls, but then Jungwoo had moved out because he was withdrawing for the rest of the semester, so their “frat ratio” (as Johnny likes to call it) is slightly better now. Although in reality, that ratio will never matter since Johnny will let all of them into his frat’s parties anyways (if Wendy and Doyoung ever decide to go, and Wendy feels weird about that as Johnny’s ex and _yeah_ , just try getting Doyoung to go to a frat party).

Jaehyun, Ten, and Taeyong occupy the top floor of the house. Wendy, Joy, Chungha and Nayeon all live on the floor below, while Doyoung and Jisoo occupy the attic. How Doyoung and Jisoo do it, Jaehyun has no clue, but according to Ten and Nayeon, they both radiate sapphic energy (“even Joy agrees Doyoung would make a great lesbian”), Doyoung for some reason is super in-sync with Jisoo, and Jisoo’s rarely phased by people in general, so them living in the attic together just makes sense (and apparently, Jisoo’s boyfriend doesn’t have a problem with it).

Convincing Doyoung and Jisoo to stay up in the attic during pasta night requires no convincing at all, since it’s a given – neither of them make an effort to come down from the attic unless they feel like hanging out, otherwise it’s like living with a brick wall (ironically, the attic is the only part of their house with a brick wall). Ten, usually the issue, would be clubbing with his friends plus Taeyong, Yuta, and Kun (which Sicheng is skipping to hang out with him instead, feeling very prideful of that), so that’s not the issue either.

The real issue is that Nayeon and Chungha gossip just as much as Ten, and also _love_ to divulge house on-goings with their friends (Jaehyun remembers his whole face burning on fire when Sana had cornered him in Starbucks and asked if it was true that Rosé had dumped him). Convincing Nayeon to go out wouldn’t be too hard since Sana could do that for them with the promise of going to one of Jackson Wang’s parties. But Chungha...Chungha would be harder to crack.

That’s where Johnny comes in.

“Yo, what’s up man?” Johnny says as he answers Jaehyun’s call.

“Hey, not much, listen, you busy this Saturday night?” Jaehyun asks.

“I mean, we’re having a social with the Theta girls. There’s this one chick, Chaeyeon, we hit it off at a party last time, I might hit her up again this weekend. Why? You want in on that or something?”

“No, actually. But what if I gave you something even better than that?” 

Johnny pauses. “Uh, and what’s happening this weekend that's better than a social with Theta, dude?”

“How about a date with Chungha?”

He can practically see the steam coming out of Johnny’s ears. It’s kind of tragic, really, how much of a YA-protagonist-meets-manic-pixie-girl crush Johnny has on Chungha, and how Chungha ignores his advances every time. “How the hell...what? Dude, how did she agree to that?”

“She had a change of heart,” Jaehyun suggests, even though that’s a lie.

“Bro, are you serious? A date with Chungha,” Johnny says a bit breathlessly.

“Yeah, bro, I’m dead serious,” Jaehyun says.

“Should I text her to confirm?”

“Nah, don’t worry, she’ll text you first.”

“And how do you know that, homie?”

“Trust me. She told me about it.”

Johnny pauses before he speaks. “Yo, why’re you being so nice to me, all of a sudden? I’ve asked you to set me up with Chungha for months but you never did, and now you’re just wingmanning this for me?”

“Yeah. I’m just doing this for you, you know? I’m just being a friend.”

_And maybe just doing this for Sicheng, too, you know?_

“What’s the game plan here, dude?” Johnny says, sounding suspicious. “What’s in this for you. You need me to hook you up with a Theta girl, or something?”

_No, I need you to hook me up with a one super cute Chinese dude–_

“There is none,” Jaehyun shrugs. “I’m just tryin’ to be a good bro, that’s all.”

“For real?”

“For real, just tryin’ to be a good bro.”

_No you’re not, you’re just trying to get into Sicheng’s–_

“Well, whatever, I don’t care, I’ve got a date with Chungha Kim!” Johnny exclaims victoriously. “Should I text her about the date plans, or whatever?”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. She will be the one to text you, tell you what’s up.”

He can almost hear Johnny’s goofy grin through the phone. “Dude, Jae, you are the fucking man, getting me a date with Chungha, fuck, I owe you.”

“Eh, it’s nothing.”

“Alright, thanks bro!”

Then he rushes downstairs and knocks on Chungha’s room.

Chungha opens the door with a slightly irritated glare. “Oh, look, it's Johnny’s personal matchmaker again.”

“Nice to see you too.”

“I already told you no, Jaehyun. I’m not going out on a date with Johnny just because Joy wants the house for herself. At least offer me something I’d want.”

“It’s for a good reason!”

“Wanting to have a pasta night with a friend on Saturday is not a good enough reason. Why can’t I be at this pasta night again?”

“Instead of asking yourself that, why don’t you ask yourself if you’ll like what’s in the case?” Jaehyun jokes.

She continues to glare, unimpressed. “What is this, Deal or No Deal?’

“Maybe, because I’ll make you a deal you can’t refuse.”

“Bitch, that’s not Deal or No Deal, that’s ‘The Godfather’ you’re quoting and seriously, maybe if you wear a bald cap you might _just_ pass for a Howie Mandel bobblehead.”

“Ouch,” Jaehyun chuckles. “But anyways, what if I told you I wasn’t setting you up on a date with Johnny, but someone else?”

Chungha raises an eyebrow. “And how does that work out?”

“You know Im Nayoung?”

“Uh, yeah? We’re friends from being on I.O.I’s project committee together, of course I know she has a crush on Johnny, what the hell does this have to do with her?”

“She thinks she has a date with Johnny on Saturday.”

“And you want me to play third wheel wing woman for her and Johnny? Real convincing, Jae.”

“Well, like you just told me, Joy says that she's been lowkey crushing on Johnny for awhile,” Jaehyun starts. “And if you went on this date with Johnny, it’d be a double date. You’d be bringing her Johnny, in exchange for who she’s bringing.”

Chungha continues to look unimpressed. “And who exactly is she bringing, that I’d exchange?”

Time to drop the bombshell.

“Oh, you know, just the external affairs officer in Marketing Association.”

There’s a spark gleaming in Chungha’s eyes. 

_Bingo._

“No way,” she says, jaw wide open. “She’s bringing Mingyu?!”

“Only if you bring Johnny,” Jaehyun says, a smug shit-eating grin on his face. Chungha probably wants to scowl at how smug he’s being, but he’s just relishing in this clever concoction they’ve put together. 

See, Joy’s best friends with Yerin, who’s friends with Mingyu, who’s good friends with Nayoung. And Jaehyun is also friends with Mingyu, and told him he’d be setting him up on a date with his housemate. With the help of Yerin, Joy and Jaehyun indirectly convinced Mingyu to tell Nayoung that he had scored her a double date with Johnny and Chungha. Nayoung, absolutely thrilled at the chance to go on a date with Johnny, had readily agreed, with Yerin texting them confirmation a couple hours ago. That gave Jaehyun the clear to call Johnny and tell him Chungha would be going out with him on date, when in reality, Chungha will be handing Johnny over to Nayoung, while she’ll get a crack at Mingyu (who Chungha will never admit she’s got a crush on).

Oh, the things Jaehyun will do for love. Or, more like the chance of a pasta night with Sicheng.

Poor Johnny, thinking he’s finally got a date with _the_ Kim Chungha.

 _Oh well. This isn’t about him. This is all about_ him _,_ Jaehyun sighs dreamily in his mind (and by him, he means Sicheng).

“Alright, you’ve got yourself a deal,” Chungha says begrudgingly, obviously not enthused to agree, but Jaehyun can tell she’s excited at the prospect of seeing Mingyu. “But what am I supposed to tell Johnny?”

“You will tell him that night that you’re picking him up, to go out to a bar, maybe to Solo’s or Tiki-House or something, you can pick the place,” Jaehyun says. “When you pick him up, you tell him that you want to go to a bar for a couple of drinks. By chance, you will ‘coincidentally’”– he says this with air quotes – “run into Mingyu and Nayoung at the bar, after having told them which bar you're going to beforehand. I’m sure you’ll figure the rest out from there.”

Chungha's eyes narrow with skepticism. “Why are you doing this for her, Jaehyun? I didn’t think you and Joy were that close that you’d go to these lengths for her. And for _pasta_ of all things. It's not like you're Italian.”

Jaehyun shrugs. “I didn’t really do much of the work. Yerin mainly did most of the talking, I just convinced Mingyu it was a good idea.”

“And why’s that?” she crosses her arms.

“I dunno, figure it’s the decent thing to do,” Jaehyun shrugs.

“And the decent thing to do is screwing Johnny over by thinking he’s getting a date with me?”

“Well, I mean, it’s not like Nayoung isn’t a catch. He’ll definitely like her.”

“Oh come on, Jaehyun. We both know Johnny Suh’s got a camp tent pitched up for me down there,” Chungha says bluntly. “I flirted with him _once_ at a frat party and he’s been trying to get with me ever since. And he’s like, one of your best friends, but you’ve never done this for him. Until now? What gives?”

“Well, we’re not like _best_ best friends.”

 _Asshole didn’t even invite me to Chicago for spring break but invited Doyoung?_ Jaehyun thinks bitterly to himself. And yeah it’s petty, it’s been a year. But he still hasn’t gotten over it.

“Still, it’s not like you to be this... _sneaky_ ,” she says, extra emphasis on the last word a bit coy. “Seriously, why are you helping Joy with this? What’s in this for you?”

“What’s with everyone assuming there’s something in this for me?” Jaehyun scoffs. “There’s nothing in this for me.”

“Really?” she says skeptically. “Nothing?”

_Well, nothing in this for me, but maybe something in Sicheng’s–_

“Seriously, nothing, I’m just trying to help Joy by helping Johnny get over you.”

“How does that work?”

“It’s like killing two birds with one stone.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“I mean, this should be a favor for you, no?” Jaehyun says. “Now you can stop leading him on.”

Chungha scoffs. “I was never leading him on. I told him point blank I wasn’t interested in him.”

“I know, but now, you know, he’ll finally get it, and he’ll move on.”

There’s a suspicious frown on Chungha’s face, eyes locked on him as she regards Jaehyun like a hawk. Obviously she’s not super convinced, and he already knows he’s going on her shittalking list later when Nayeon comes home and they exchange gossip for the day.

But he’s willing to put up with scrutiny from all sides of Cherry Bomb Chapel, if it means getting a chance with Sicheng, just for one night, in a not-so-full house. And if he can handle Ten’s nosiness, then he can most certainly handle Chungha.

Eventually, she sighs, signalling her acceptance. “Alright, fine. You’ve got yourself a deal.”

Jaehyun forces himself to not do a victory dance. “Pleasure doing business with you,” he says as he extends a hand out to shake.

She slaps it away. “Don’t be such a cheeseball, Jaehyun. That’s Johnny rubbing off on you.”

***

6 stripes on the gay pride flag Jaehyun waves, as Sicheng walks onto the stage with him.

They’re at a Bazzi concert together, and he just finished his encore performance of ‘Mine’, and he and Jaehyun had gotten all goofy and danced together while he sang it. Everyone is having a great time. Bazzi seems a little excited. 

“We have a surprise for you guys,” Bazzi says, breathing a bit heavily into the mic, all of them still on the euphoric high after he’d finished his set.

All of a sudden Frank Ocean walks onto stage, belting out, “These bitches want Nikes” and the crowd goes wild, Jaehyun screaming next to him as he waves the pride flag even harder because Sicheng knows that “Nike” is Jaehyun’s favorite Frank Ocean song. When Frank gets to the chorus, suddenly a new voice comes in and someone else starts singing…

“City of stars, are you shining just for me?”

Rainbow lights start flashing everywhere, and Bazzi sings “Nike” with Frank Ocean as Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone walk out performing “City of Stars”. Everyone in the crowd goes wild and Sicheng glances over at Jaehyun and sees him crying, having a full mental breakdown. It starts raining like a tsunami, like it’s _The Notebook_. Feling euphoric, he grabs Jaehyun’s hand, and if things couldn’t get any better, they both leap into center stage as everyone’s singing, and as Jaehyun’s waving the gay pride flag in his right hand, he wraps his other hand around the small of Sicheng’s back and leans in to kiss–

“FUCK!”

Sicheng wakes with a start, covered in cold sweat as he breathes heavily. He glances over to his left, Kun is still asleep, not woken up by Sicheng’s sudden outburst. 

It was a dream. It was all just a dream.

Sicheng rubs his temples, checks the time on his phone. 3:45 AM. Something feels uncomfortably tight. 

He checks down there...yep, unbelievable. Of all things to dream about, _that_ got him going down south?

He’s really got to get over this crush on Jaehyun. He’s got Sicheng dreaming about Bazzi, of all people?

 _Why can’t you just fall out of love with him,_ Sicheng bemoans internally to himself, crashing back onto his pillow in frustration.

Maybe pasta night isn’t such a good idea.

***

5 words, that’s all it takes for Jaehyun to go into a complete panic.

Sicheng 🐣 [5 mins] : hey i’m not feeling well

It’s Saturday, aka day of pasta night, and Jaehyun doesn’t know what to do. He’s already done so much to make this happen. Getting Chungha out of the house with Johnny, confirming with Sana that Nayeon was going to be out all night, making sure Taeyong and Ten were going to be out clubbing with their boyfriends. And it might all be for naught when he gets this message.

Jaehyun wants to kick himself for being such an idiot. For thinking Sicheng might even like him that way, fuck, he is so stupid.

Joy’s not home right now, and Jaehyun doesn’t know what to do, but he knows that right now he feels like crying. He’s worked so hard to make sure pasta night would be a success, to have time alone with Sicheng, but if Sicheng is sick (if he even is sick), then that means this was all for nothing.

Was this really all for nothing? Did he really go to all these ends just to turn up empty-handed?

He hates how much he’s been looking forward to pasta night with Sicheng. Daydreaming about it during class, going to sleep giddy thinking about Sicheng, mentally counting down the days until Sicheng came over, and it was just the two of them, making pasta, having a bottle of wine, the most romantic evening planned and nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing, it’s all to shit because Sicheng’s not feeling well, whatever the hell that means.

Fuck, he feels like the biggest loser on the planet. He hates how much he’s fallen in love with him. He wishes he could just go back to being uncaring, just cool and calm and collected, never having met him.

Jaehyun immediately regrets thinking that. He doesn’t ever want to forget Sicheng, that’s how much he loves him...and fuck, how much it sucks, liking a guy this much.

Demoralized and heartbroken, he just texts back the most polite, friendly response he can muster right now.

Awwww it’s okay, hope u feel better. Wanna take a raincheck? : Jaehyun

He sighs, throwing his phone onto his bed, then jumping face first into blankets and sighing into his covers. He feels tears welling up in his eyes, throat getting clammy, and fuck, how does he get this affected by Sicheng, so much that he wants to well up, curl into a ball and cry forever? All because Sicheng has to cancel at the last minute?

His phone buzzes three times.

He wipes some stray tears away from forming in the corners of his eyes, then looks at his notifications.

Sicheng 🐣 [just now] : still down to hang, but can we do something less intense?  
Sicheng 🐣 [just now] : sorry, i’m just feeling tired, idk about making pasta  
Sicheng 🐣 [1 min ago] : oh what? No i meant i’m not sure about making pasta haha

It’s crazy how much Jaehyun’s mood changes when he realizes Sicheng doesn’t want to cancel, he just wants to do something more lowkey.

He almost squeals out loud, and wow, how gay is he? Joy was right, what happened to cool, calm and collected Jung Jaehyun? Is this how pathetic he’s going to be? What the hell is wrong with him?

And then his mind blanks when he realizes he has no idea what the hell he and Sicheng should do. All he’s been thinking about, all this week, it’s revolved around pasta night.

 _Fuck, why isn’t Joy here?_ Shit, what’s he supposed to say?

 _Painting_ , he immediately thinks. _That’s lowkey. Right?_

He remembers Wendy vaguely talking about how she and Taeil had done a painting date night before. That seemed like a good idea, Wendy and Taeil were cute, he wants to be cute with Sicheng because Sicheng is cute, right?

Wow, he really is bad at this.

Oh, sure haha, what did you have in mind? : Jaehyun

It puts the ball in Sicheng’s court. He doesn’t have to think of anything, and then Sicheng can have them do something _he_ enjoys, and Jaehyun can watch Sicheng’s face light up whenever he talks about something that excites him, how his smile perks up, his lips forming a heart-shaped grin around his cute pearly white teeth, eyes squished up from his cute cheeks with the slightest blush–

His phone’s buzz interrupts his swooning.

Sicheng 🐣 [just now] : idk tbh haha, what did u wanna do?

Shit.

He’ll have to take a gamble with painting. But what if Sicheng doesn’t like painting? And then if he can’t think of something to do, he just rainchecks on him?

He is so screwed.

How about painting? : Jaehyun

That’s all he’s got. It’s one shot, and he’s taking it.

Sicheng 🐣 [just now] : down

***

4 missed calls from Jaehyun, that’s how Joy knows something must be up. She excuses herself from the table, then walks to the bathroom and calls Jaehyun back.

“Hey, is everything okay?” she asks worriedly.

“Oh yeah, uh, about tonight,” Jaehyun starts. “We’re not doing pasta.”

Joy feels her brain zap with sheer disbelief.

“Uh, what?”

“Yeah, Sicheng said he was feeling tired, so we’re going to paint instead. Can you pick up some canvases and acrylics at the art store on your way back here?”

She almost wants to slap Jaehyun through the phone.

Last night, she and Seulgi had scrolled through recipes on Pinterest for hours, checking out different pasta dishes they wanted to try, what looked good and what didn’t. After they’d settled on making homemade pumpkin ravioli with sage butter sauce, Joy and Seulgi had gone to the grocery store to buy the ingredients they’d need for tomorrow. In fact, she’d bought enough for four portions, because she had assumed 5 portions is what they’d need for all of them plus one for Wendy and or Doyoung, since they were both staying home tonight (Wendy knew anyways, Doyoung was invited if he bothered to come downstairs from the attic).

And now that she’s out $68.73 plus tax, Jaehyun not only wants to change plans _but also_ wants her to buy art supplies for a painting night, which isn’t what they even planned? 

He's so lucky she’s not home right now, otherwise she and Seulgi would be having some hefty servings of Jaehyun ravioli for dinner later tonight.

“Oh, sure! No problem, do you need anything else?” she says, making her voice sickeningly sweet.

“Oh, paint brushes too! We don’t have any,” Jaehyun says. “Maybe watercolors too? I don’t know what Sicheng wants to paint with. I don’t think oils though, might be too expensive.”

_He doesn’t even have this planned out!?!?_

“Oh, sure, of course, _Jae_ ,” Joy says with the slightest hint of venom dripping into her words. “And I’m guessing you want me to just transfer over my savings to you too, while we’re at it, so I can fund your shotgun wedding with Sicheng when he knocks you up?”

Jaehyun doesn’t say anything for a hot second. “Uh...what?”

“Oh, you know, since you’re just gonna bend over for him like that and let him blow all your brains out, because what the hell, dude!?” she seethes through the phone, keeping her voice as level as possible so no one outside the bathroom hears her.

“What?”

“I just spent seventy dollars on buying the ingredients tonight for pasta night,” Joy fumes through the phone. “Because unlike you with Sicheng, I planned in advance with Seulgi what we’re making tonight. And I bought extra for you and Sicheng to make with us, since I figured you hadn’t thought that far ahead. And now you’re telling me you want to just change plans? And buy art supplies for you?!”

“I mean...we can just save pasta for another night?”

“Oh, well, sorry to tell you, but unlike you, I’m not going to bend over backwards for whatever Sicheng wants to do,” Joy says, gritting her teeth to stop herself from screaming. “Pasta night is what we said we’d do all week, and that’s what I’m sticking with.”

“But Sicheng doesn’t–”

“And what if he changes his mind again, suddenly decides pasta is okay?”

Hesitation on the other line. “Well, I guess then we would do pasta–”

“Oh my god, you are just, this is ridiculous!” she almost shouts. “I already bought groceries for pasta night! And I bothered Yerin for hours to get Nayoung and Mingyu set up on that date with Chungha and Johnny. Plus I’ve spent all week defending you from Nayeon and Ten’s nosy asses, because they keep trying to ask if I know something happening between you and Sicheng.”

“I know, I’m sorry, but–”

“No, you know what, I don’t wanna hear it. If you’re gonna be such a jerk about this, then for once in your life, how about _you_ figure it out with Sicheng instead of having me work it out for you?!”

And then she hangs up and curses Jaehyun under her breath. Feeling herself lose her composure, she takes a deep breath, counts to ten, thinks happy thoughts and Seulgi’s cute smile. Pasta night is still happening, whether Jaehyun is on or not. She gives herself a bit of a pep talk in the mirror, and then walks out of the bathroom.

She takes her seat.

“Sorry, I got a call while I was in there, had to take it.”

“Oh, who was it?”

“Just my mom, she was asking about making sure I’d filed my tax returns,” Joy says, sipping on her coffee.

“Ah, I see.”

“Sorry about that. Anyways, where were we?”

  
“Oh, I think we were talking about how obvious Jaehyun’s crush is on Sicheng?” Seulgi grins.

Joy forces the smile to stay on her face. “Oh, _right._ Yeah, it is really obvious, isn’t it.”

Seulgi laughs. “Yeah. It’s amazing how much you’re doing for him, helping set him up with Sicheng.”

“Yeah,” Joy agrees. She and Seulgi had been talking about how they’d get to make pasta while having a front row seat watching Jaehyun try flirting with his crush. Little did Seulgi know, Joy also has plans to try flirting with her crush tonight.

“You two must be really good friends, if you went through all that trouble to do that for him,” Seulgi says, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Ah, well, I’m just trying to help him out,” Joy says. “I know how he feels, after all.”

“Ah,” Seulgi responds. “With Wendy, right? Yeah, that must’ve been hard for you.”

Joy wishes she could tell Seulgi the truth, that no, not with Wendy, but with her. But she’s too embarrassed to admit just how much she likes Seulgi, and definitely not right now. When it’s just the two of them. No other people in the coffee shop, no other twenty-somethings in the thrift store, no other Jaehyun and Sicheng or anyone else in the house. Just her and Seulgi.

Joy realizes this is probably how Jaehyun feels about Sicheng, and feels bad about yelling at him, just now. She makes a mental note to apologize to him later for losing her temper.

“Yeah, with Wendy.”

She wishes she was brave enough to tell Seulgi she likes her. 

A lot.

***

_3: Don’t be his friend._

That’s one of the New Rules, according to Dua Lipa.

Sicheng doesn’t want to be his friend. He doesn’t. Not if he knows he’s just setting himself up for failure. He knows that in the future, Jaehyun’s eventually going to find a girl he’s attracted to. He’ll still make time for Jaehyun, but he’ll just be a friend to Jaehyun, and he’ll still be the first thing on Sicheng’s mind. That’s what happens, if he doesn’t stop himself from falling more for Jaehyun, and he ends up breaking his own heart?

He tried letting Jaehyun off easy. Saying he was sick, that was easy enough. Of course he felt bad, flaking the day-of, but he just wants to let himself down easy. Stop himself from getting crushed, developing even more feelings for Jaehyun.

And if he’s being honest with himself, Sicheng should’ve never let it go this far. He enjoys spending time with Jaehyun too much, to the point where he looks forward to whenever they get to see each other. It’s not good. It’s not fair to Jaehyun, to unload his misery onto him like this, when Jaehyun was just looking for a friend, that’s all. It’s not Jaehyun’s fault, and Sicheng has no one to blame but himself.

At the end of the day, all Sicheng wants is for Jaehyun to be happy, because that’s what makes him happy too. He knows he’s good at making Jaehyun happy. He hears it whenever he makes Jaehyun laugh, he feels it whenever Jaehyun playfully nudges him, he sees it whenever Jaehyun’s cute dimples crease his lower cheeks and frame his beautiful, precious smile.

But then Jaehyun texted him back, sounding a bit disappointed, and Sicheng couldn’t bear it. He felt guilty about how sad Jaehyun sounded over text, that he’d flaked.And he impulsively tried to go back on what he’d texted. So instead, he added to the lie, saying he was just tired and wanted to do something less “intense”. 

It was believable enough.

Then Jaehyun asked him what he wanted to do instead.

It sucks, how much Jaehyun wants to make Sicheng comfortable, make time for him, when all Sicheng wants to do is avoid him for the rest of his life. This would be so much easier, if Jaehyun Jung was a huge asshole who didn’t care about him. Who ghosted him, wasn’t super invested in him. Who just wanted to stay study buddies for Econ 130, nothing more. But that isn’t the Jaehyun that Sicheng knows.

The Jaehyun that Sicheng knows has a hard facade he puts on with everyone else except for him. He sees the difference, whenever Jaehyun talks with his board members in his business club, or with some of his housemates, or with people who seem to know him but not _know_ him. It’s like a defensive measure, this barrier of cool, well-groomed and put-together masculine charm that Jaehyun turns up to an eleven whenever he’s talking to people. He of all people should know; that charming appeal is what convinced him at Le Consulat to compare their Econ 130 homework that night.

But in the months he’s gotten to know Jaehyun, he sees a softer, hidden side to him. He notices how Jaehyun’s gentler around him, less prim and polished around the edges. He speaks to him with a slight softness to his words and whenever he calls Sicheng _chickadee_ , gives him light touches and encouraging nudges, cracks goofy and stupid jokes that make him cringe and Jaehyun laugh like he’s having the best time with the most mundane moments.

It’s different with Jaehyun. It’s not just a stupid hormonal crush. Sicheng genuinely appreciates the unlikely friendship he’s made with Jaehyun, because normally they’d never even run in the same social circles, but they connect in a special way that feels like something of a miracle to Sicheng.

He sighs, trying to calm his thoughts racing through his mind.

Jaehyun just texted him if he wanted to paint, and he texts back that he’s down. He puts his phone in his pocket, tries to ignore the butterflies churning in his stomach, and then walks into Le Consulat, hoping that maybe a soothing tea will help ease his mind, make him feel less anxious, stuck in his head.

After he orders his coffee, he goes to wait near the bar when he notices Seulgi, and one of Jaehyun’s housemates, Joy. They’re sitting at a table talking, both of them smiling. Joy gets up to excuse herself to the bathroom, and Sicheng figures this might be a good time to quickly say hi.

He taps Seulgi on the shoulder. “Hey, Seulgi.”

Seulgi beams back at him. “Sicheng, hey! What are you doing here?”

“Ah, just getting some tea before practice, that’s all,” he tells her. “Helps calm my nerves.”

“You nervous about the big showcase in a week?”

“Yeah, I’m just...nervous, that’s all, but I know practice will help me relax,” Sicheng says.

“Don’t worry, you’re going to do great,” Seulgi smiles. “You’ve been a great co-captain with Ten this semester. Your team’s going to be amazing.”

“Ah, well, thank you!”

“One rose milk tea!” the barista calls out.

“That’s my cue,” Sicheng says. “But hey, it was nice seeing you!”

“Yeah, nice seeing you too!” Seulgi replies. “See you tonight for pasta!”

Sicheng gives her a confused stare. “What?”

“You know, pasta? Didn’t Jaehyun tell you that me and Joy would be there too?” she says, a slightly amused expression on her face.

_Oh._

_Ohhhhhhh._

“Oh, well, no, but yeah, guess I’ll see you tonight!” he replies. “Later, Seulgi!”

“Bye Sicheng!”

Sicheng walks out of Le Consulat feeling like such an idiot. 

First of all, he’s mad at Jaehyun for not telling him that this wasn’t just going to be the two of them tonight, that Seulgi and Joy would be there too. But even more, he’s mad at himself. Mad that he didn’t even realize it wasn’t just going to be the two of them, so he doesn’t have to worry about feeling awkward that it’s only him and Jaehyun and it would be like...well it’s not a date, Sicheng tells himself. It’s not. 

And he’s mad that he’s mad that it _isn’t_ going to just be him and Jaehyun tonight. Because maybe part of him, secretly, is hoping that somehow this is all in his head, and when it’s just him and Jaehyun making pasta tonight, which sounds so romantic, they’ll somehow make spaghetti and meatballs, and then Jaehyun will have a table set up with a picnic blanket over it, and some candles, and it’ll be like in ‘The Lady and the Tramp’ where they both get a piece of spaghetti stuck in each other’s mouths, and then…

Sicheng twitches slightly, closing his eyes shut and blinking rapidly to snap himself out of his thoughts. It’s not a date. If Joy and Seulgi were there too, then he doesn’t have to worry about it being a date. There won’t be anything happening between him and Jaehyun, because there is nothing _to_ happen. Jaehyun just sees him as a good friend, the same way he sees Seulgi and Joy as friends.

He’s mad at himself for freaking out, blowing this all up, when he’s just Jaehyun’s friend. That’s all.

_Don’t be his friend._

But if that’s what Jaehyun wants, and if that’s what makes Jaehyun happy, then he needs to let it happen like that.

He texts Jaehyun an apology.

hey man sorry, i’m actually okay with pasta tonight : Sicheng  
sorry i’m really bad at cooking so i kinda felt awkward about it : Sicheng  
i got kinda scared about cooking, i’m really bad at it : Sicheng  
if you’re gonna do all the cooking tho and i can just eat, i’m down : Sicheng  
haha : Sicheng

He keeps walking, stopping at the red light, taking a quick sip of his tea before checking his phone, and sure enough there’s a message from Jaehyun. 

jaehyun jung : Oh wait cool! That works out haha  
jaehyun jung : Joy bought some stuff tonight to make pumpkin ravioli, that sound cool?

It’s not a date, it’s not a date, it’s not a date, it’s not a date, it’s not a date–

that sounds really hard to make tho lol : Sicheng  
what about spaghetti and meatballs : Sicheng

He really doesn’t have the best impulse control. But it’s okay, because Jaehyun’s going to reject and say no, and then it’ll be fine, and he’ll get over this.

jaehyun jung : Ah yeah idk, Joy already bought all the stuff to make pumpkin ravioli  
jaehyun jung : So i think we’re just gonna do that  
jaehyun jung : Next time tho! Haha

_Next time._

Next time?

A next time, as in a next time with Joy and Seulgi too? Or a next time where it’s just him and Jaehyun? And they make spaghetti, and then–

 _Stop it, dude_ , he scolds himself. _Stop it. It’s not a date. This isn’t a date. You’re just friends. He’s straight. He’s your friend._

But maybe he wants to be more than friends.

_Don’t be his friend._

Sicheng just takes another sip of his drink, chapped lips starting to crack a little as the tea dries his mouth out. He decides that from now on, he’s just not going to think about it, so he’s going to respond to Jaehyun, and then shut off his phone until practice is over.

ah ok yeah sounds dope haha : Sicheng  
i’m heading to practice but i’ll talk to u later : Sicheng  
see u tonight for pasta! : Sicheng

***

2 housemates, both alike in tragic gayness, in Cherry Bomb Chapel, where he lays in a pile of cuffed jeans. From secret crushes break new opportunities, where cold feet make hot ears uneased. 

It’s only half an hour before Sicheng is supposed to come over, but Jaehyun’s been freaking out for the past half an hour. It’s like his entire wardrobe has suddenly become unappealing, unsightly, unfashionable. Clothes are strewn haphazardly everywhere, his room looking a complete mess. Maybe it’s a reflection of his frazzled state of mind, because seriously, usually he’s so good at putting together an outfit that looks stylish, so why is he suddenly feeling like the most unbecoming person on the planet, struggling to find a good combination in his wardrobe to impress Sicheng?

Joy knocks on Jaehyun’s door (loudly this time, so he can definitely hear in case he’s wearing headphones).

“Hey, Jae, are you gonna help us make the pasta or–”

Joy stops mid-sentence upon realizing the absolute _state_ of Jaehyun’s room. She doesn’t think she’s seen a room in Cherry Bomb Chapel this messy since Nayeon lost one of Mina’s pearl earrings and had torn up everything trying to find them. 

“What the hell happened here?”

“A fucking mess, that’s what happened,” Jaehyun says as he turns over on his bed, currently in a pair of basketball shorts and oversize t-shirt reading “URINETOWN” (from Donghyuck’s high school play).

“Are you seriously _this_ stressed about getting an outfit put together? For Sicheng?”

“Yes, because I’m that pathetic.”

“Aw, you’re not pathetic,” she says sweetly. “It’s kind of cute, how much you want to impress Sicheng, when this isn’t even a date technically.”

“Well, clearly, I’m not going to make a good impression,” he sighs into the Adidas sweatshirt on his bed. “I don’t know why I’m freaking out about this so much, it’s not like Sicheng hasn’t seen me in regular everyday clothes.”

A lightbulb goes off in Joy’s mind.

“Remember how we talked about doing something mundane with Sicheng, something domestic? And that’s how this whole pasta business came about?”

He lifts his head off his bed. “Why?”

“Just dress domestic.”

“What, like I’m a maid?”

Joy can’t help but laugh at how bratty Jaehyun sounds. “No, although who knows, maybe Sicheng is into that.”

Jaehyun sits up straight when she suggests it. “Oh my god, what if he is?”

“No, I can assure you that Sicheng doesn’t like maid outfits, there's certain character traits people have for that and Sicheng just doesn’t have them.”

Jaehyun gives her an odd look. “That’s oddly specific, how would you know that?”

“Does Sicheng remind you of Ten at all?”

“Besides them both being co-captains for their dance team, no.”

“Then you don’t wanna know how I know, because it's a not-so-PG story featuring your roomie and his boyfriend.”

“Yeah, no thanks, I'm still unpacking the trauma experienced from their breakfast flirting the other day.”

“Anyways, I mean just dress simply. Like you’re everyday, the guy next door.”

“And how do I do that?”

“Seulgi,” Joy calls downstairs, “can you come up here for a second?”

“Yeah sure, hold on.”

Joy starts to walk around Jaehyun’s room, going through the piles of clothes everywhere, beginning to formulate the fashionable fit for Jaehyun to wear.

“Hey, what’s up – whoa, what happened here?” Seulgi thinks aloud as she stands in the doorframe. “Did a tornado pass through or something?”

“Hey, Seulgi,” Jaehyun grunts, “and no, just me and my stupid gay crush on Sicheng, that’s all.”

Seulgi can’t help but laugh. “I’m guessing you’re trying to put together an outfit to wow him?”

“Yeah,” he sighs loudly. “Obviously that’s not working out for me.”

“Hey, Seulgi,” Joy says, holding up one of his numerous white t-shirts. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Okay but that’s a little _too_ simple, you know?” Seulgi sees where Joy’s going with this. “Like, washed out denim jeans and a white t-shirt is probably something Sicheng sees Jaehyun in on a weekly basis.”

“Well of course, that’s kind of a given, he dresses with the style of a straight man, we should try adding some flavor tonight,” Joy says playfully.

“Am I supposed to take that as an insult?” Jaehyun questions.

“Always take any comparisons to straight culture as insulting,” Joy tells him. “You’re one of the gays with the girls now, Jae. And if you’re one of the girls and the gays, then you’ve gotta start dressing for the girls and the gays, that’s it.”

“But for all I know, Sicheng is straight,” Jaehyun points out.

“Not where I’m going with this,” Joy says.

“Yeah, where were you going with this?” Seulgi asks.

“Okay, well, we’ve established that the jeans and white shirt are the basic go-to Jung Jaehyun outfit,” Joy explains, laying the t-shirt on top of Jaehyun. “It’s like his base state. Like you in white crop tops.”

“Or you in dark red?” Seulgi says.

Joy smiles at that. “Yes, exactly. Thank you for knowing I look good in dark red. Girl in red, if you will,” Joy jokes.

“What?” Jaehyun says.

“Don’t worry about it, you're a man,” Joy says. “Anyways, Jaehyun’s go-to is the white shirt with washed out jeans, usually ripped, but I’m thinking we change it up a bit.”

“I mean, I agree, maybe spice it up but not _too_ much, you know,” Seulgi nods. “Give some flair, but not take away the whole form.”

“Yeah, like...not necessarily cover up, but maybe dress it up a bit more. A bit more jush, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh yeah, zhuzh it up.”

Jaehyun looks at them like they’re speaking in tongues. “Sorry, what? What is _ju-j?_ ”

“It’s okay, you’ll learn what these terms mean, you’re only a little baby gay right now, baby Jae,” Joy coos.

“What?”

“Just ask Ten what it means later,” Joy waves a hand. “But yeah, how do you think we can zhuzh up the basic white t-shirt and denim jeans combo?” 

Seulgi ponders on this as she looks around the room. Most of Jaehyun’s wardrobe is pretty minimal, lots of whites and denim, some tan and beige here and there, soft pinks, and that’s about it. There’s maybe a couple splashes of color strewn about here and there on the floor, but for the most part, Jaehyun’s got a pretty muted palette in his closet.

Seulgi makes a mental note to invite Jaehyun to go shopping later, since she also notices half of his clothes are from fast fashion, and while she won’t call him out on it right now, she’ll politely point it out to him later when they’re making pasta. 

“Is wearing white a safe option, though?” Seulgi wonders. “Even though we’ll be wearing aprons, it stains the easiest.”

“It does, but at the same time, look around us,” Joy gestures to the strewn about clothes around the room. “His wardrobe’s about as white as the girls in Brandy Melville. We don’t really have a lot of options.”

“Well, there does seem to be some clothing with color on it?” Seulgi says, glancing around the room at the various articles of clothing. White graphic tee after white graphic tee after white graphic tee after–

“Wait, this, this!” Seulgi says as she picks up a cardigan. It’s mostly white, save for the red and blue striping on the front lining and the sleeve cuffs. “He should wear this while we’re prepping, then _delicately_ take it off when we start cooking to give away the form. Like a reverse uno card.”

“Oh my god, wait, you’re brilliant,” Joy beams, turning to Jaehyun. Seulgi’s heart beats slightly faster when Joy calls her brilliant, nearly preening under Joy’s praises.

_Oh my god, the idea of Joy dominating you is turning you on–_

_Stay out of my head, Joohyun-unnie!_

“Jae, wear – here, these ripped jeans, and then this white tee with the black belt, put the cardigan over it,” she says as she hands him all the aforementioned items of clothing. 

***

1 block away from Jaehyun’s house but Sicheng’s butterflies still won’t settle in his stomach. He’s told himself so many times, scolded himself so many times, pep-talked himself so many times that this is nothing more than hanging out. This is nothing more than hanging out with friends. Jaehyun is just that, his friend.

_Don’t be his friend._

He wants to be Jaehyun’s friend. Maybe his boyfriend, but Jaehyun is also a boy, who happens to be his friend. There’s nothing wrong with that, really. Why do the boy and the friend _have_ to meet and intersect, why does he want it so badly to happen?

Kun and Ten’s words echo earlier in his mind, when they’d been over with Lucas and Kunhang earlier in the evening to pregame going to the club.

“He likes you, dude,” Ten had said. “I mean come on, it’s so fucking obvious. Just flirt with him tonight, or something, maybe he’ll finally put out.”

“ _Ten_ ,” Kun had scolded him, “don’t say things like that when Jaehyun’s never said anything to you about liking Sicheng, even after you’ve bothered him so many times about it.”

“Okay but come on, gay recognizes gay, and Jaehyun’s looking an awful lot familiar.”

“Bro, you thought Lucas was gay for the longest time and that he’d date me, but look at us, we’re not,” Kunhang had deadpanned annoyedly.

“Don’t _bro_ me, Kunhang, it sounds so wrong when you say it. That’s Lucas and his straightness rubbing off on you.”

“Seriously, Ten, how many times do I have to apologize to you for being straight?” Lucas had smiled amusedly. “Just because you were wrong about me–”

“You are such a liar, I swear, I just _know_ deep down you are a closet-case and you have to have a thing for men, maybe a specific type, like blue-haired twinks, or something–”

“ _Ten_.”

“Sorry, babe, projecting, I know, projecting. But come on, is it a crime to think blue hair is attractive?” Ten had cooed, taking a host before starting to suck on Kun’s neck. “It looked hot on you.”

“Do you guys seriously think Jaehyun has a crush on me?” Sicheng had asked sarcastically, pretending he didn’t wish that was exactly what he wanted. “Come on guys, we’re just friends. I don’t even like guys that way.”

“Huh, funny, Jaehyun said the same thing, and you two spend an _awful_ lot of time together.”

“Look, dude, I don’t know anything about Jaehyun,” Kunhang had said. “But don’t go off of assumptions, _especially_ Ten’s assumptions. He thought Lucas would one-hundred percent top me the night we met him at a party, and look how that ended up.”

“Bro, come on, you’re like my best friend now, I respect you too much to do that to you,” Lucas had laughed.

“You didn’t even know my name for four months!”

Lucas had shrugged noncommittal. “What? I have a bad memory.”

“ _Bro,_ if you were _really_ my friend, you would wreck me like I asked you too, whether I was sober or hammered,” Kunhang had whined. “Come on, we’re in college, don’t you just have the _tiniest_ bit of curiosity to explore your sexuality? See what it’s like to sleep with a dude?”

“Sorry, man, I’ve already told you like a billion times I just don’t get attracted to dudes that way.”

“Fuck, straight men really are the worst,” Kunhang had groaned before taking another shot. “Why, why do you have to _just_ be an ally?”

“I think what everyone is trying to say,” Kun had started, “is that to just let things happen. If he just wants to be your friend, then just be his friend, like Kunhang and Lucas are.”

“But nothing will happen,” Sicheng had snapped annoyedly. “Me and Jaehyun are the exact same as Kunhang and Lucas are. We’re just friends.”

“Okay, and I believe you,” Kun said gently. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, how you feel is valid. Either way, he’s someone you consider your friend, right?”

_Don’t be his friend._

Sicheng’s in front of Jaehyun’s house now, the walkway right in front of him. He’s dressed in a simple pink denim jacket over a button-up shirt with some washed-out blue jeans, as suggested by Kun (he trusts his roommate to make him look the best he can for tonight). Put on some of the cologne that Kun kept for his dates with Ten. He’d even put on lip balm, for crying out loud – nothing was going to happen tonight. Nothing _is_ going to happen tonight. 

_Don’t be his friend._

Sicheng still wants to be his friend. So tonight, just for the one (1) night, he will be Jaehyun’s friend. Because he likes Jaehyun’s company. He enjoys being with Jaehyun, whenever they’ve hung out. They work great together, Sicheng definitely noticed his Econ 130 grade improving ever since they started their weekly (nearly daily) study sessions at Le Consulat.

But after tonight, he has to slowly socially distance himself from Jaehyun. It’s not worth it, wanting to be with Jaehyun this much, knowing that it will never be the way he wants. Longing after his best friend, sneaking quick glances whenever Jaehyun’s not looking, this might be one of his _best friends_ he’s falling in love with, he’s tried not to feel it, but those thoughts can’t stop getting in his head, of Jaehyun possibly falling in love with him too, and then–

_Don’t be his friend._

It’s too painful. 

For one night, Sicheng will pretend that he doesn’t have these feelings. He will pretend that he only wants to be friends with Jaehyun, that this is enough for him. Make time for him, love him in the most platonic way possible, pretend to be and want nothing more than a best friend.

Because it’ll make Jaehyun happy.

Because, even though he’s going to feel miserable, being stuck in these feelings for a while, at least it’ll make him happy, having spent time with Jaehyun for one last night, when he was strong enough to believe that he could just be Jaehyun’s friend.

_If he wants to be your friend, then just be his friend._

Sicheng breathes, deeply, sighing, trying to stop himself from crying. What the hell is he doing, feeling like this? He’s standing here, right in front of Jaehyun’s house, and it’s just supposed to be a normal night, trying to have a good time making pasta with his friend. No more guessing, no more plays, just accept fate as it is.

He’ll move on.

He knows he will. It’ll be difficult, but eventually, he won’t miss this, miss Jaehyun as much. Right?

He has to, for his own sake. It’s already so hard now, and he’s only known Jaehyun for a couple months now, and his feelings are already this strong. And it’s only going to get harder and harder, as time goes on, and months turn to a year, maybe more.

Sicheng shakes his head, and, for the first (and last) time, he rings Jaehyun’s doorbell.

“Coming!” He hears Jaehyun shout from upstairs.

Then the sound of a rush down the stairs, the sound of locks turning, and–

There stands Jung Jaehyun on the other side of the door.

“Hey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mundane_blues)   
>  [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/mundane_blues)   
>  [Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5lbpitkvPKw4gnp47GgXYM)   
> 


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